Reborn
by hatsumiyo momichi
Summary: GamTav. Gamzee is a 13 year old boy, who s life colapsed when his brother died. His father is adicted to work, his mother has become gradually insane after her child s death, and a long forgotten uncle makes an appearance to contribute to Gamzee s living hell. In between of all of this chaos, Gamzee s only happiness seems to be spending time with his "best friend", Tavros Nitram.
1. introduction

Introduction:

The boy walked slowly, trying to concentrate on the sky above him, watching its evening colors take form and letting them amaze him with their beauty. He didn't really pay attention to where he was going at all, just letting his feet drive him where ever they liked, not really wanting to think about it either. Not really wanting to think about anything. Anything but the bright colors above him getting redder by the minute. He heard a small, metal noise bellow him, and felt something hit his foot. He stopped, blinking a couple of times, noticing he had kicked a small indigo colored race car. He noticed there were more cars around it, and a boy in front of them, standing up slowly.

-Sorry…- He mumbled, finding the little boy´s face, noticing he was around his age. The other boy looked back at him, holding his eyes, blushing a bit at the embarrassment of talking to a stranger.

-It´s, uh… okay. - He said quietly, looking away with a smile. – It didn´t break, or anything. - He hid his hands in his pockets, daring to take a peek at the boy in front of him again. He was tall, and very skinny, and his eyes were a shade of blue he had never seen before. His hair was a real mess, long and tangled black locks falling over his eyes. He giggled at the sight of him having to push it a little backwards to be able to look at him back. The other gave him a toothy grin, and held a hand to him to shake his.

-My name is Gamzee. - He said merrily, suddenly forgetting why he had been walking, where he was standing, and what he had been trying to forget so badly. The other looked at the pale hand in front of him, noticing how long his fingers were compared to his own. Slowly, he dared to grab the boy´s hand, and shook it carefully.

-I´m Tavros... Nice to, uh, meet you. - He mumbled, smiling shyly. –I´ve never, seen you before… Are you, uh, new here? - He wondered if he was a new neighbor he wasn't informed of. Even though no one really cared about their neighbors in these suburbs, and practically ignored each other´s existence completely. But having a little boy as a neighbor was a rare privilege, and everyone with a kid knew that. It was an easy way to push your kids into someone else´s house for a couple of hours.

-No…- He laughed, wondering too why he had never seen him as well. He would have remembered such an adorable looking shy face, no matter how stoned he was. Tavros looked down at his forgotten toys, blushing before asking the important question.

–Do you, uh, maybe, want to play with me?- Gamzee smiled as wide as he could, sitting himself rapidly on the curb, looking up at his newly found friend eagerly.

-Sure motherfucker! - The boy got flustered at the sound of a bad word, and bit his lip anxiously, looking around to see if any grown-ups had heard him, feeling a wave of relief to see that the streets were empty. He sat down next to Gamzee, shrugging it off. Maybe it had been an accident. Gamzee grabbed the car he had kicked, and didn´t let go of it the whole time, admiring it´s pretty indigo color, telling Tavros he dreamed to have one of those cars when he grew up. Tavros just giggled at how he just ignored the rest of the toys, and at how he tried to convince him it had special powers, like being able to fly and do other "miraculous" things. He had never met a boy with such imagination.

They played for as long as they could, talking little about themselves when they were curious enough to ask certain things. Tavros pointed at the big house in front of them and told him he lived there. Gamzee agreed it was the nicest house in the street, adding that he lived just around the corner. They laughed amazed at how close they lived, making mental notes to play the whole summer, glad to have a kid to play with during the long and lonely vacations. Gamzee told him he went to the public middle school a few blocks away, and Tavros said he didn´t know where it was. That his school was pretty far and he had to be driven by his dad every morning to get there, and that the uniform was funny and he hated it. Gamzee wasn´t sure what he meant by uniform. He told him he was 13 years old, but was going to turn 14 shortly, and Tavros told him he was 12 and that his birthday was in April. They discovered excited that they both loved rap music, and promised each other to have at least one rap-off to show their skills.

-Tavros! - A female voice screamed annoyingly, startling the boys. –Come here.- She hissed, looking angrily at the two boys while she came a bit closer, motioning with her hand to "move it quick, or you´ll get it". The boy gave Gamzee an apologetic look before walking fast towards his mother, trying to think of what he had done wrong to deserve such a displeased look. –Why are you playing with that boy? -She asked, trying to talk quietly, failing horribly. –Look at him! He looks so dirty, why can´t you find friends that don´t look like homeless, white-trash bastards? - She looked at Gamzee with a sneer, taking in all the details. The messy, tangled hair. The dirty, pale skin. The worn out, dirty clothes he used that were too big for his proportions. And the look on his face. Oh, the everlasting, disgusting stare of someone who can only hope to find pain in his life. She didn´t want to see it. Tavros frowned deeply, blushing at the horrible words his mother had spitted at his new, kind friend. He looked back at him. –Go get your toys and come inside! It´s getting dark anyways. - He wondered why he couldn´t see what his mother saw on the skinny boy sitting on the pavement. Tavros walked back to Gamzee, bending down to take his toys and stuff them in his pockets.

-Can we play again?- He whispered, fearing the scary looking lady standing behind Tavros, hands on her hips, staying close to the house door. Tavros nodded, a carefree smile on his full lips. He noticed Gamzee holding on to the indigo car.

-You can keep that. -He whispered quietly, and then stood up rapidly to run to his mother, while Gamzee hid the car in his pants´ pocket. He saw the boy disappear behind the house´s front door, and the lady gave him a sour look before closing the door behind her. He stood up shortly after, trying to clean the dirt from his pants by hitting them, watching the dust fall from the cloth. He looked at the house again, thinking over the harsh words the kid´s mother had said. He knew damn well what they meant, and wondered if he really looked that filthy. He didn´t have running water or electricity in his house at the moment, but it had only been like that for a couple of hours, so… He frowned. His head was starting to hurt as the problems began to pile up on top of his shoulders. He sighed while taking a last, long look at the big house before him. He suddenly noticed one of the windows in the second floor opening, and saw the kid´s face pop out and give him a huge smile. He waved goodbye, giggling mischievously. Gamzee blinked a couple of times before waving back, moving his whole arm in the air, laughing quietly. He then began to walk to his own house, watching as the boy looked at him leave from the window, until he couldn´t see him anymore. Gamzee noticed he was still smiling to himself when he got home a few minutes later.


	2. Chapter 1: Innocence

Chapter one: Innocence

The water and electricity came back. His father had gone home that night late, and when he entered and tried to turn on the lights, nothing happened. He fiddled with the switch a couple of minutes uselessly, and then he tried the generator. Still no lights. He sighed, looking for the electricity unpaid bills. They were right on the dining table. He put them away with his work papers, making a mental note to pay them the next day. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, turning on the water. Nothing came out as a strange, guttural sound filled the empty air. He heard his wife stir in bed, whining, and turned off the water to leave the dry glass inside the sink. He picked it up again, opening the fridge, picking up a cool bottle of Faygo, and filled the glass with the sweet drink, the little bubbles jumping right out of the liquid restlessly. He took a sip thoughtfully. The sweetness was unable to dissimulate the bitter taste that clung to the back of his throat and his soft tongue. He had forgotten to pay the water and electricity bills. He wondered how his son had managed to cook at all without any water to feed his mother, how he was able to look after the house with no electricity, and felt horrible. He was a pathetic and terrible father. And he knew it. As well as he knew that he needed some desperate poor wife wasn´t getting any better, the pitch black abyss from which she was unable to escape only gripping her tighter. And she didn´t even try to take her pills… didn´t even try to get out of her clinical depression. He drank the rest of the beverage in one swallow, feeling its carbonated bubbles burn his throat. She was useless, and her son had to take care of her. And he was just a dammed little kid. He had never given any thought to this matter, and felt guilty for ignoring his child and wife´s suffering, running away from it by never going home. By never even asking how they were doing. He was a dammed coward, and that was a fact. He was scared of facing his son´s angry face that showed just how much hate he was accumulating inside his young heart. He was scared of having to endure his wife´s endless tears the whole day, and having to look into those empty, lifeless eyes of hers. She didn´t belong to this world anymore. He decided to get some help once and for all. At least, find someone that could watch over his young kid. Even though he was sure the little prick was a lost cause anyways, just as his other son had been at some point. He never admitted that as well.

Gamzee took a long shower that morning, thanking the water had come back. He scrubbed his skin harshly with a sponge, leaving it red and a little sore from the brutal friction. He tried to get rid of the filthiness Tavros´ mother was talking about. He rubbed his head with the same roughness, scratching his scalp, pulling his own hair by accident a couple of times. After a whole hour he decided to come out, drying himself while looking at his own naked body in the steamed mirror. He looked clean, at least to his own eyes. He then got dressed with whatever he found that was clean, and went to the kitchen to prepare his mother something for breakfast. He had to feed her with his own hands, as usual. Her lost eyes looked everywhere but his son while he tried to make her eat at least a couple of bites of the toast he held before her mouth, the silent tears streaming down her face restlessly.

-Eat, mom. - He commanded softly, not being able to yell at the pathetic creature that clung to his purple t-shirt. –Eat. - She did so, taking small, tired bites, having a hard time finding any energy left to chew and swallow. –You gotta get out of here, mom. You´re gonna lose your head being all up and locked inside this room.- He knew she couldn´t hear him. Not because she deliberately chose to ignore him, no, that wasn´t it, but because she simply didn´t hear anything else but her deceased son´s melodic voice, and his fingers sliding up and down his wooden guitar, playing for her. She had loved him so much. He was her reason for living. –Here. - He whispered softly, almost fatherly-like, helping her take a sip of the warm and scented coffee. The dark brown liquid dripped form her jaw to the bed sheets as usual, little of it actually finding its way to the woman´s throat. Gamzee sighed. It seemed to him like she was getting skinnier by the minute, and that she would end up breaking, shattering like glass, like the fragile woman she was. –Want me to clean you up? - He tried to make her look at him, but her empty eyes barely seemed to notice his presence.

-I´m fine…- She said softly, lying back on the bed, finding the sheets and covering herself with them. He supposed that meant she wasn´t in the mood for a bath. But then again, she was never in the mood for anything, really. He decided to leave her alone, drinking the warm cup of coffee himself, hearing her soft whimpers fade between the bed sheets with each step he took away from that dark room. He went into the kitchen and saw some money resting on the counter. There were at least 50 dollars there, probably his father´s way of making up for the inconveniences. "For some weed" he thought smiling quite stupidly, grabbing it and stuffing it in his pockets. He would go buy some later. As of now, he had other plans.

He sat on the curb, opening his jacket´s zipper. He wondered why he had bothered to put one on, if it was summer time, and it was actually quite hot outside. He shrugged, refusing to take the thing off, taking out the small indigo car he had in his pockets, preparing to play around with it for a while. He calculated it was around noon, and wondered if he would have any luck. But he didn´t play much time until he saw a shadow cast over him, which made him look up curiously. He smiled as wide as he could.

-Hey…- Tavros was looking down at him, smiling as well, thin locks of hair falling to his eyes from his Mohawk. –What are you, uh, waiting for? - He asked, watching as the black haired boy tucked the car inside his pocket, not wanting to stop smiling.

-You. - He said happily, not ashamed to say the obvious truth. Tavros in return felt his cheeks burn a little, happy to see he actually did find a nice boy to play with. A nice boy that wouldn´t be more amused of hitting him than actually playing with him. A nice boy that actually did like his company. He giggled, and sat down next to Gamzee on the curb.

–I, uh, saw you from the window.- He admitted, stretching his legs in front of him, watching his long, thin legs that seemed to have grown more hair in the last months. Even though he thought that was just his imagination. –You smell nice. -He murmured, noticing his father was coming out of his house and getting inside his car. Probably going off to meet up with his own friends while his wife wasn´t around to bug him. Gamzee stared at him for a while. –Do you, want to play Playstation? - He asked suddenly. Gamzee had only played a couple of times with his own before he had to sell it, so the idea of playing again was pretty stimulating.

-Sure motherfucker! - He said happily, but then almost immediately, his smile faded away with a preoccupied look on his eyes. –Is your mom…-

-She, uh, went to see her friends, I think. She won´t be back until, uh, pretty late, as always. - He assured him, getting up from the curb to grab Gamzee´s hands to help him up as well. –We can have lunch later. If you want.-

Tavros´ house looked even bigger form the inside. Its wide windows, indoor plants, and cream colored walls gave the house a fresh, expensive look. The house itself smelled like new. He saw, amazed, that the living room was populated by DVD players, CD stacks, a flat screen TV, a big, pretty couch, and some coffee tables. Tavros led him upstairs, were his room was. He, again, watched amazed as the room unfolded itself before him. He had a big bed all for himself, a flat screen too, some video game consoles on the carpeted floor, and some other stuff he wasn´t very sure what they were. It was bigger than his own room, for sure.

-Whoa, man, this´ some wicked room you got here! - He said, letting himself take a seat at his comfortable bed. Damn, even the bed was ten times better! He buried his face on Tavros pillow, and noticed it was made of actual feathers. "Pure miracles", he thought, wondering just what bird had been tucked inside it. The boy giggled, not really seeing what the fuzz was all about. For him, this was a pretty average room, having been a witness to some of his school peers´ rooms, which looked more like a whole house than like a bedroom. He went to the TV and turned it on, doing the same with the Playstation to prepare the game. He called Gamzee´s name to ask what game he wanted to play, and received no answer. He giggled again, going back to his bed, bending down next to it and poking him softly on the head.

-Are you, uh, awake? - Gamzee opened his eyes fully, letting Tavros see his deep blue eyes up close.

-Sorry brother. - He laughed softly, closing his eyes for a little while more. –You smell nice too. - He mumbled against the pillow, meaning the sweet scent that emanated from the cushion that belonged to the boy standing up next to him.

-It´s my, uh, father´s perfume. - He said, proud of wearing his brave father´s scent on his own skin. Gamzee tried to sit up a little.

-Lemme see. - He demanded playfully, grabbing Tavros by the shirt suddenly with some strength, getting closer to the boy, and sniffing his neck noisily, like a dog, rubbing his nose a little against his flesh.

-What are you doing?!- He laughed loudly, feeling a sudden wave of heat take over his face and ears, feeling the air escaping his nose tickle his skin almost unbearably, trying to push him away without hurting him. –Stop!- He continued laughing, squeaking, blushing, feeling that nose barely touch his skin, getting a little dizzy.

-Yup, that was the smell. - He said finally with a serious tone, letting the boy go, laughing as well when he saw him fall backwards on the carpet for not being able to control the giggles. –You´re ticklish. - He declared. Tavros pressed his lips tight, and looked at him daringly from the floor.

-No I´m not. - He let a small chuckle escape his lips anyways.

-Oh, really? -He joked, standing up from the bed. Tavros smiled widely, and stood up as fast as he could to run away. He was too slow. Gamzee had already surrounded him with his arms, and was tickling his stomach, his ribs, his stomach again, his neck, and Tavros could only squeak louder than before, trying uselessly to make the boy let him go, and trying to stop the tears from running down his cheeks after laughing so hard.

-Stop! -He pleaded again, and when he saw he wasn´t going to stop, he decided to tickle Gamzee as well. The boy stiffened a bit, but let out a loud laugh as well, not stopping from his mission of tickling Tavros to death. –Okay okay! - He fell to the floor once more, tripping, and Gamzee did so too, next to him, not stopping. –I´m gonna pee! - He pleaded, and Gamzee finally left him alone, tired. They both had to lay down a bit on the floor, panting hard, their cheeks trying to recover their original color, and their hard breathing being the only thing that filled the air with its noise. –You´re, mean. - He said panting, looking at the boy beside him. He gave him a huge innocent smile in exchange.

-it´s your fault! - He said. Tavros waited a few minutes before answering, waiting to catch his breath.

-Are you, uh, hungry yet?-

Gamzee spent almost the whole day with Tavros. And this routine repeated itself for quite some time. When Tavros´ mother wasn´t around, he would invite Gamzee to his place without thinking it twice. He always found him sitting down on the curb in front of his house, playing with the little car while he waited for him patiently, greeting him with the biggest and most honest smile he had ever seen. And each day it just seemed to be prettier than the day before. When his mother decided to stay home, he would sneak out early in the morning with the excuse of visiting a friend downtown. Of course, he was really sneaking away with Gamzee somewhere, laughing nervously at his newly found bravery of hiding stuff from his mother. He didn´t really know where all this bravery was coming from, but something made him feel as if it was worth it. Hanging out with his new clandestine friend was worth the grounding and yelling. Gamzee was the first secret he kept from her, and was glad his father didn´t care for telling her his son hung out with him. He didn´t see anything wrong with him as well.

Gamzee showed him the school he went to, and Tavros was amazed at how simple and nice it looked. It was almost welcome-ish in its own, humble, way. He said he would try to get transferred to that school instead of staying at the one he went, to be with him when classes started in a few weeks. Gamzee would get really excited and would start telling him all about how it was like, all about the great friends he had there, and told him all the things they would do together. He would just nod and agree it was "bitch tits wicked".

They often went to a park nearby and climbed the tallest trees, watching from above the whole block get red with sunset. They had their much promised rap offs in the park as well, and listened to Tavros´ rap music from his cell phone while watching the scarce clouds drift on the sky, while lying on the grass. They decided to go watch a movie, and started asking Mr. Nitram for rides to places they hadn´t seen before. They went to the most popular places in town, and soon got bored of the crowds and decided to hand out alone again. The man also liked Gamzee´s company, and had the habit of telling the pale boy he was the nicest friend Tavros ever made, arguing that most of them were egocentric douches. He had had the disgust of meeting a lot of his son´s friends, and had the feeling they all used him in one way or another. His son wasn´t specially sharp at nothing these kinds of things, and often confused taunts with friendship, being the naïve and immature boy he was. Gamzee would listen politely to Mr. Nitram´s harsh truths, smiling at Tavros when he saw his cheeks get red with embarrassment from his father´s words. He then stated that he would never be able to hurt a friend. Especially not Tavros. That always made the young father smile, convinced the boy spoke the truth. Tavros would blush happily, giving his friend a sweet smile.

Gamzee was beginning to become a happy boy, and soon noticed that when he felt bad, he only had to think of Tavros to put a new smile on his face. His friend treated him with the respect, kindness, and care that he never received from his own parents and this made him appreciate him even more. His father was still never there. Nobody greeted him with a hug when he got inside his house. Nobody cared for him in that world, and his house soon became something he hated. But it didn´t matter when he got to be with his best friend. He hated having to go to his own house, and leave Tavros. He hated how he was completely alone in that place, haunted by the everlasting ghosts of his past and future, being chased down by the guilt he wasn´t supposed to be feeling. His own grey, small house seemed to drive him crazy, and all he could think of while being inside was going out. He only felt truly at home at Tavros´ house, where the walls were clean and pretty, the rooms smelled of strawberry´s, and he had something that resembled a paternal figure walking around, something he had been missing for quite a long time. That was home.


	3. Chapter 2: Ghosts

CHAPTER 2: Ghosts

Tavros felt his heart stop. Gamzee had knocked on his door several times, furiously. He had just said goodbye to him for the day a couple of hours ago, and was surprised to see it was him knocking. The night had already fallen, and the streetlights were the only source of light in the warm summer night. He looked at Gamzee´s face, noticing he wouldn´t look at him, and that he had let his hair fall over his face, hiding.

-Is… something wrong? - He asked softly, noticing the panting. He had run. He noticed his clutched fists, his shaking body, and realized he was crying. He had never seen him cry, not even when he got hurt while playing with him. –Gamzee? - He whispered, raising a hand to touch his face.

-I had nowhere else…- He started, but then was cut off by his own tears. Tavros stepped closer, and pulled him into a hug, doing what his instinct was telling him to do. He hugged him as tight as he could, and helped him hide his wet face in the hollow of his neck. He could feel his whole body shaking from under his grip, and patted his tangled hair to calm him down.

-It´s okay… it´s okay. -He whispered to him, trying to sound reassuring, trying to make him feel better. But he doubted he had the power to do so. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but something told him he shouldn´t ask him yet. –Here, come inside. - He stepped back and took his hand to guide him inside his house. He led him by the hand until he reached his room, and had sat him on his bed. He sat beside him, cleaning away his tears with his hands, pushing his hair back, and repeating under his breath a never ending row of "It´s okay´s" to soothe him.

-Tav. - He said, wanting to say something, but then he changed his mind. He hid his face with his hands, sighing heavily. –Can I stay here tonight? - He asked. Tavros smiled warmly and nodded, caressing his face with the back of his hand.

-Of course.- He waited until Gamzee´s crying calmed down a little to get him pajamas, and made him go to bed. He felt nervous and terrible at the fact that he could do nothing for his friend, and thought that maybe the best thing would be making him sleep a while to clear his mind. –Do you, want to go to bed? - He asked and Gamzee nodded slowly, his head aching.

Gamzee had opened his front door as usual, turned on the dim living room´s light as usual, and had walked inside his small house as usual. He had gotten to the kitchen, walking slowly and carefree, his thoughts still at Tavros´ house. Suddenly, he was forced to be the witness of a horrible scene that would never leave his memories, even when he died, several years later. His mother, as fragile as ever, was lying on the floor over a pool of her own vomit, over her belly, her pale and stiff face looking towards Gamzee, her big glossy eyes looking at him intently. They looked more alive than ever, the tears having ceased forever, letting her eyes rest at last. Her mouth was slightly parted, the corner of her lips curling up in a smile so faintly it was as if they weren´t curling at all, but they still seemed to be curling up more and more with each second that passed that Gamzee stared at the lifeless body of whom had been his mother. He couldn´t stop looking at her. He thought she moved, he swore he saw her blink, and her horrible and subtle smile became a cursed grin that would be there and not be there intermittently. He started shaking fiercely. He could sense her looking back at him, trying to tell him something, looking him up and down. He could feel her right behind him, breathing next to his ear, gliding her long nails down his back. His tears began to fall heavily as he started to panic, feeling his legs give in, his stomach turn and twitch, and his whole body get goose bumps. Was that a laugh he heard? No. it was a woman crying. And his older brother´s portrait was on the floor beside her, the shattered pieces of glass scattered all over the floor just like her vomit. He didn´t know if he stayed looking at the corpse for hours or minutes, he couldn´t really remember, but once he thought he had seen her hands move to stand up he turned around and ran as fast as he could, escaping, not looking back, hearing her moaning behind him, and at the same time not hearing anything at all. He only thought of one place to go.

He was gripping Tavros´ shirt. He held on to him as if he feared he might disappear if he let go, knotting his legs together under the covers, resting his head over his warm chest to soothe himself with the sound of his heartbeat. He listened intently, blocking away any sound that didn´t come straight from the pumping muscle, feeling how it slightly hit his face with each powerful and nervous pump. Tavros was holding him in his arms, lying on his bed under the covers, rubbing his back in big, careful circles. He knew Gamzee was listening to his heart, and that made him uncomfortable. He couldn´t help but feel that his heart was beating too fast, and that Gamzee was going to be able to pick up the nervousness of his pulse. To think of that made his heart beat even faster. His heart was making him feel self-conscious. He felt Gamzee sigh softly; at the same time he let go of the tough grip he had over him to let his hands just rest peacefully over Tavros´ chest as well.

-My mother...- He said, breaking the huge silence that had gotten hold of the warm, dark room. His voice had cracked, the thick knot in his throat making it hard to speak. Tavros looked at the mass of hair just under his neck, and patted it, letting him know he was listening. –My mom just died, she was dead on the floor. - He said, and almost immediately he tried to get closer to Tavros, to close the distance, and forget what had happened at the expense of the melody of his heart, his chest heaving painfully hard. Tavros´ jaw dropped. He blushed embarrassed, trying to think of what he should say. He wanted to cry as well, cry for Gamzee´s pain, and the empathy he felt was about to make that happen. He had thought it couldn´t be that bad. He had been wrong. He hugged Gamzee tighter, frowning, feeling anger. Anger against God for making Gamzee suffer. Angry with himself for being so useless, that he couldn´t even comfort his best friend.

-I… I´m so sorry Gamzee.- was the only thing he said, not finding any words or will force to say anything else at all. "I´m sorry" he thought to himself, his mouth getting bitter and his eyes itching with the desire to cry.

-I´m tired, Tav. - He whispered, looking up at Tavros for the first time since they got into bed. His eyes were puffy from crying, and his cheeks were moist and red, as well as his nose. Tavros looked at him for a couple of seconds before drying his cheeks with his hand, smiling soft and bitterly.

-Rest.- He said –I´ll, uh, be right here, Gamz. - The black haired boy stared into his eyes for a while more, a little smile slowly taking place over his mouth. He then rested his head on Tavros´ chest again, and closed his eyes tiredly. He fell asleep almost instantly.

Gamzee´s father stepped into his kitchen, finding the front door open, the lights on, and her wife´s body on the floor. He bent down, grabbed his son´s portrait, and left it over the counter carefully. He then sat down on the couch, lighting a cigarette, smoking thoughtfully while he looked at his wife´s corpse form there.

-I thought you were stronger than me, Emily. - He said, as naturally as if she had been sitting right there on the kitchen´s counter. –I always thought you were stronger. - He said, even though he knew that wasn´t true. It never was. He remembered the days she had been a lovely wife; the envy of all the men in the suburbs. He remembered how they met at a music store; she played the piano, and he loved the violin. They got married 2 years later, and had a beautiful son only months after. He had thick black hair, pale white skin, and stunning blue eyes. He played the guitar and liked to sing, and sometimes gave useless attempts at playing the piano. He was an only child, and received his parents´ unconditional love. He got a brother when he was 11 years old, and instantly fell in love with him. He got to pick his name, and after weeks of brainstorming he called him Gamzee, and his parents agreed. His little pale hands liked to pull at his hair painfully, but he always just giggled lovingly at that. And the baby smiled only to him, as if he knew he was his brother.

His father had to begin working full time to maintain both children, considering that the boy´s music lessons were quite expensive, and his school had to be the best one. The baby needed extra cares as well. His mother was a housewife, so she started baking cookies and cakes to help his husband have enough money for the bills. Gamzee had to be raised by his older brother, learning how to play guitar fairly well when he was only 7 years old, and learning how to play the piano better than him.

The little boy´s parents never had time for him. When he cried to get his mother´s attention, he would either get a fierce look or a slap, having to be comforted by his brother. He couldn´t understand why they seemed to only like his brother, and ignored him completely. He wanted to hate him for sucking up all the attention, but he couldn´t do it. He couldn´t. He was the only one who smiled at him every day and kissed his cheeks, the only one who cared to feed him properly and was constantly preoccupied he had everything he needed. He loved him to death.

-Kurloz, what are you going to do?- His father had asked him one day at dinner, a worried look on his face, the guilt of not being able to pay for his college reflected on every inch of his face.

-I´m gonna play music. - He had said with a smile. –And work for Gamzee´s college funds. - His father then put a blank face, and looked to the side of his older son Kurloz. There was Gamzee. He looked at him as if it was the first time he had ever seen him. When did he get so tall? When did his features start getting so soft, inheriting his mother´s whole face? Where did he even come from? Gamzee smiled at his father. He looked at him with a frown instead, and turned his attention to his plate. "The accident kid".

-Remember how he was like? - He asked suddenly to his dead wife on the floor. He inhaled deeply, and let out a loud cry. –I can´t remember his voice, Emily…- He said whimpering, shaking, holding his face in his hands. –Maybe that´s why you decided to go visit him. - He said, snorting, wishing he was as crazy as his wife to do what she did. –Take good care of him. - He got up. –Tell him to take care. - He got close to the body, picking up the phone from the wall next to it to dial the police. -Tell him to never get his ass high again. - He said laughing bitterly, the cruelty of the joke hurting him like a knife. He heard the dial tone, then a sharp noise. –H-Hello? My w-wife committed suicide…- He began, the smell of the blood inside the transparent and acid goo of his wife´s vomit lifting up to his nose, and making him sick to his stomach. That smell of blood shooting a disturbing image of his son´s dismembered body under a truck, his motorcycle destroyed several feet away, and that stench of fresh blood flooding the streets.

Richard Makara arrived at 3 PM. He had some luggage on both of his big hands, and an eager smile on his lips. His brother opened the door for him, excusing the lingering smell of disgrace and death. The police had taken away her body in the early morning, and he had been cleaning the disaster himself after the police said it was alright. Definitely a suicide. Richard stepped inside, and sat at the couch, leaving his bags next to him. He sighed happily, not minding his brother´s serious and pained face.

-You look good. - He said cheeringly, receiving nothing more but a scorned look as a response. He looked around with his gaze distractedly –Where´s the kid? - His voice sounded monotone.

-Not here. - He responded, and grabbed his papers for work. He wasn´t going to stay much longer. –Thank you for coming, Rick. You´re going to be a great help. - He muttered, failing at imitating a smile. Richard grinned for him.

-No problem, my little brother.-

-Feel at home. - He added, not really knowing what else to say.

-I´ll take good care of your beloved son, don´t worry. - His brother looked at him and nodded carelessly. He picked up right away he didn´t really give a shit. –Oh! And I´m so sorry for your loss.- He nodded again, grabbing his keys.

-I come back really late, don´t expect to see much of me. - He said before leaving, dropping some money on the counter for food and whatever he needed.

-Bye.- He said, grabbing his bags again and standing up to take over one of the few rooms he could use to live in. he was happy to be given this unique chance to start over from scratch.


	4. Chapter 3: Richard

Chapter 3: Richard.

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking repeatedly, feeling the day light filtering through the window hurt his eyes. –Ouch…- He mumbled, his head aching a bit, and his eyes uncomfortably swollen. He grumbled, suddenly remembering what had happened. He looked around him, and noticed he was in Tavros´ bed. "That´s right…" he thought, remembering how he left his house after seeing what he had seen. He sighed, not finding any more tears in his eyes to shed for his mother´s death. His eyes were already dry. He tried to sit up, staying there a while, the dizziness in his head not letting him get up with the threat of throwing up. He heard the door open.

-You´re awake. - Tavros smiled, popping his head through the door. Gamzee smiled back to him, hiding his face with his hands.

-Yeah…- Tavros went ahead and sat on the bed next to Gamzee.

-I came to see if you were awake. My dad, uh, made some lunch, and I thought maybe you were hungry. - He explained. Gamzee looked at him from between his fingers, his hands still covering his face. He looked puzzled. –Yes, lunch. It´s already 2 PM, Gamzee.– He giggled.

-Oh… I´m sorry.- He apologized, laughing softly. Tavros stared at him, even though he still hid his face. Gamzee looked at him back.

-Are you… uh, feeling any better?- He asked slowly, trying to decipher the answer in his blue eyes. Gamzee took a while before nodding a yes as an answer, not very convinced himself. -Go wash your face so we can eat. - He said, deciding to distract Gamzee instead of asking stupid things. The black haired boy got up rapidly and went straight to the bathroom Tavros had in his room. Tavros waited for him, lying down on the bed for a while. He didn´t get much sleep last night, worrying for Gamzee. He never before had felt such attachment to someone outside the family, and it all was so new to him. He had some friends back at his school… But only now he was realizing how true his father´s cruel words had been. They didn´t love him. They didn´t even like him. All they did was bother him, oblige him to do their homework, humiliate him, and make him buy them everything they wanted. He sighed. They weren´t his friends. And somehow he had always known that in his heart, but was too scared to tell them to leave him alone, and was too scared to be alone at the same time. He turned around in bed, resting over his stomach, face buried in the pillow. Now he knew how it was like to actually have a good friend. He inhaled deeply and noticed that Gamzee´s scent was substituting his own smell. He wanted to tell everybody he knew he had a best friend.

-Tav- He jumped a little when he heard his voice.

-Sorry, you ready? - He asked, shaking his head a bit to scare the doziness away. Gamzee nodded and they both went downstairs to the dining room, where Mr. Nitram was putting the plates.

-Morning, child. - He chimed, giving Gamzee a huge friendly smile. Gamzee blinked, blushing, not remembering when was the last time an adult had told him "good morning" in such a lovely way.

-Good morning…-

-You should be ashamed! Morning… it´s almost 3 PM, you lazy ass! - He joked, laughing, going into the kitchen to get the food. -Go ahead and sit down, you two, the food is ready.- Tavros sat down and told him to sit beside him. Mr. Nitram went in the room and served them lunch, apologizing for the taste in advance, complaining his wife should be the one cooking. –She´s lazy too, you know? - He joked, giving his son a little wink. She was lazy alright. Gamzee just giggled politely at his jokes, eating hungrily the food in his plate. –Sometimes I get the feeling I have two sons. - He said suddenly while looking at Gamzee, after a long silence that wasn´t uncomfortable at all. Both kids laughed, looking at each other, and then looked at him a bit confused.

-Why? - Tavros asked, his face full of food.

-Don´t get me wrong, I don´t mind. I have two wonderful sons. - He winked again. He was obviously referring to the amount of time the kid was in his house. But he truly didn´t mind much. He was more curious than anything as of why his parents didn´t seem to care. But the boys were set on not saying anything about it, Gamzee because he didn´t want to say it and Tavros because he didn´t know, and he was too prudent to bring up the subject directly as well.

Gamzee decided to leave at about 7 PM. Tavros insisted in leaving him at his house, but he refused repeatedly. He left him outside his own house, closing the door behind him to say goodbye. He had a bad feeling that he wasn´t going to see him as much, since school was going to start in a few days. And Gamzee felt it too. The same way he had felt Tavros was going to be important to him when he first saw him. Almost as if he had had a déjà vú. So he said goodbye hugging him, something they had never done before in that kind of situation. Tavros hugged him back, and didn´t notice they hugged for almost a whole minute, breathing the smell of his skin. He never had a friend that cared to hug him before Gamzee either, and that made him smile.

-Thanks- Gamzee whispered next to his ear, thanking both his friendship and letting him stay at his house. Tavros just giggled in response, blushing. He finally let him go, and he started walking away, looking back at him. It was starting to get dark, and an abnormally chilly wind was blowing, messing his hair. Tavros was already calculating the time Gamzee would be there in the morning, sitting on the curb in front of his house, smiling his usual careless and happy smile. He would run down and get outside, thinking what they could do that day. Maybe they could try getting a ride to the beach. He knew the other boy had never gone there before, and was sure he would love it. He waved a goodbye, watching him disappear in the distance. He would never find him sitting on the curb in front of his house again.

He was surprised to find the door locked. He didn´t have any keys on him. He knocked with his fists, hoping his mother… he stopped, dropping his hand to his side. He closed his eyes sighing, starting to breathe rapidly, not wanting to cry again. But the door made a noise and opened completely.

-Hi there. - A low voice greeted him, a voice he wasn´t familiar with at all. He looked up and saw a man that was faintly familiar to him, and winced a little. He didn´t like the look on his face, nor his smirk.

-Hi…- He mumbled, not caring to give him a smile until he explained what he was doing there.

-You don´t remember me Gamzee? - He asked sweetly, as if talking to a little dog or a baby. The boy shook his head no. -I´m uncle Richard! I can´t believe you don´t remember me. Here, come inside so we can have dinner.- He said and let the boy in. –You look really good.- He didn´t like the way he said that too. Gamzee looked over to the kitchen and stood there a while, not feeling the bravery to ask. -Your daddy told me to come and take care of you, sweetheart.-

-He was here?- He looked at him, noticing his old fashioned ugly clothes and his thick glasses. He calculated him to have around 45 years.

-Of course. - The man wasn´t sure if he knew about his mother. Gamzee went to his mother´s room and found it locked. He felt a wave of relief, since he didn´t think he would be prepared to find her there, nor see her not there. –Your mother…-

-I know. - He said sharply, intending to leave it clear that he didn´t want to hear it. His uncle nodded.

-I´m going to make some tea. What do you want to eat?-

-I´m not really hungry. - He mumbled, wanting to get out.

-I understand. - He lied. He then put a hand on Gamzee´s shoulder, squeezing it. Then he hugged him, kissing his head. Gamzee tried to push him away, scared of the sudden contact. –when did you get so big? You´re all grown up and handsome. - Gamzee finally got away, panting a little from his fast heartbeat. It didn´t feel right. It didn´t feel right at all and it made him feel funny in his stomach. –Aw, don´t be scared. It´s just you and me now, no need to be shy. - Gamzee walked away hurriedly, got inside his room, and closed the door with a slam, locking it from the inside. -Tell me if you need anything! - His uncle called from the kitchen, starting to cook his dinner. Gamzee sat on his bed, starting to cry. He didn´t like that man, and he remember how he never had liked him. He remembered how one time he had gone to his grandfather´s funeral along with his parents and his brother, and he was there. He remembered how they had made him sit between a lot of people he didn´t know, all dressed in black, listening to a fat priest talking nonsense, in his grandfather´s living room. He was there too, his stiff body visible on top of the table, resting inside a shiny box. He had gotten up to the bathroom, his mother´s attempts of stopping him being useless. Her other son wasn´t there as well, and she hoped people wouldn´t say anything about how disrespectful that was. He went upstairs, to his grandfather´s big bathroom. He liked that one better, and there always were so many things inside the cabinets that were so interesting and funny to play with. When he was upstairs he heard a weird noise, as if someone was crying. He thought it was his grandmother, but then he remembered she was downstairs, crying quietly. He tried to listen carefully, and heard it again. He got close to the guest´s room, and opened the door slowly, quietly, not wanting to call any attention. He was almost sure it was a ghost. He peeked inside, searching with his eyes as he heard another cry. He saw his brother Kurloz. His long hair was covering his face as he faced the wall, but he could see his pained expression through it. His hands were trying to grasp the wall, scratching it with his nails, as he let out another cry, and a whimper.

-Shh! - The big man made him shut up, pushing him from behind. Gamzee saw that it was one of the men that were downstairs a while ago. He saw he had his pants down mid-thigh along with his underwear. He saw he was pushing his brother in a funny way rhythmically, and noticed he had his pants down as well. The man was breathing heavily, saliva escaping his mouth, lifting his brother´s shirt to touch his bare skin, bending over a little more to whisper something in his ear that he was able to hear. –Don´t tell anybody… I will kill you and your family. - He assured him, panting hard, accelerating his thrusts. Gamzee gasped scared, backing up, and running downstairs, his wide eyes watering. He sat down next to his mother hurriedly, panting.

-Where were you?!- She had hissed quietly, pulling his hair painfully. But he didn´t answer, the man´s words echoing inside his head. "I will kill you and your family". He knew that applied to him as well. He was blushing fiercely, trying to understand what he had seen. But he couldn´t. He didn´t understand. After a while he saw his brother sit not too far from him, his face red and his cheeks wet. He was shaking, and had a disgusted expression that was mistaken for true suffering for his grandfather´s death.

-It´s okay, darling. We all loved him so much. - An old aunt grabbed his hand with her own wrinkled hand, and soothed him lovingly, but he only nodded fiercely.

-Yes. - He responded, feeling the man´s eyes looking at him. The man that was with him upstairs. Gamzee looked at the man for a long time, seeing the pearls of sweat fall from his forehead, watching him fix his collar, watching him when he got up to say a few words in behalf of his father. The man had looked at him back and had smiled at him. He shivered.

He laid on the bed, looking up at the poster covered ceiling. He wasn´t crying anymore as he remembered the past, but a deep void was taking hold of his stomach, slowly. He was old enough to understand now, and wondered why he had forgotten about that completely. He felt horrible for not being able to do anything for his brother when he was young, because he didn´t understand.

-I´m sorry. - He whispered, remembering how his brother had forgotten the matter as well to not worry his parents, smiling hugely as he always had, pretending nothing was wrong.

They celebrated Emily´s funeral the next day, a few family members attending it, wearing their best dark clothes and sad faces. They buried her, cried for her, left her flowers, and Gamzee just watched from the distance, not wanting to be a part of it. His father was there, as well as his uncle. It was a sunny summer day, and he was sweating under the uncomfortable dark suit he was wearing. He said his own prayers quietly from afar, saying goodbye to a mother he loved unconditionally, but that didn´t love him back. He smiled at that fact, thinking it was a cruel thing. He didn´t really feel sad anymore. When his brother had died, he had felt sad for almost a whole year. But he didn´t feel sad for his mother. He knew she was happier that way, and somehow, felt relieved of not having to face the fact she didn´t love him. He didn´t have to see that for himself everyday anymore. He sighed, seeing his uncle motioning towards him. It was time to go. He got up from the grass, getting out of the tree´s shadow, and walked towards the two men. They got inside his father´s car and rode home slowly. The only one that made conversation was his uncle, and at some point of the ride he just plugged in his earphones, putting on some music, not wanting to listen or be asked anything. He thought of Tavros and of how he wasn´t able to tell him he was going to be busy until the evening. He sighed, missing the boy that had shared with him the whole summer, missing his easy smile and his easy blush, smiling through the window without noticing it. They got to the house and his father left soon after, leaving his son and his brother alone.

-Your dad is addicted to work. - His uncle had said when he finally took off his earphones.

-Yeah. - He responded, going straight to his room to change clothes and save his suit until someone died again. He ate dinner with his uncle, noticing he cooked better than Mr. Nitram… but somehow he didn´t like it as much.

-You´re going to school in two more days or so, huh? - He said casually.

-On Monday. - He answered.

-8th grader, huh? You´re so big. - He winked. Gamzee nodded. –Tomorrow we are going to go get you a back pack and some books and stuff for school. First thing in the morning, so don´t make any plans. - He smiled. Gamzee nodded. –You´re gonna have so much fun. Get ready because high school is right around the corner for you! - He laughed. Gamzee nodded. –We can get you some clothes too. Your father didn´t leave that much money, but I have some saved up. Don´t worry.-

-I´m going to bed, thanks for the food. - He muttered, getting up and leaving his plate in the sink. He grabbed him by the shirt.

-Aren´t you gonna kiss me goodnight? - He was staring at him, a serious and weird look on his face. Gamzee stared back wide eyed, grabbing his uncle´s hands to slowly make him let go.

-No. - He answered, walking backwards, feeling his uncle pull his shirt. –Let go. - He ordered, pushing his hands with all his strength, noticing horrified how he couldn´t even move them an inch.

-Come on…- He pleaded, but then he let go of him suddenly. Gamzee went ahead and locked his room again, staying inside until the next day, too afraid to come out.


	5. Chapter 4: Pain

Chapter 4: Pain.

Richard bought Gamzee everything he needed for school. He wasn´t greedy with money, and was surprised he even bought him ice cream. He took it only because it was a really hot day. They got home really late form the mall. They had taken the bus since his father was using the car. The whole ride he was thinking about how much he was beginning to really miss Tavros. He had begun chewing on his nails nervously and his uncle hit his hand to stop him from developing a bad habit. At the house they had dinner, and Gamzee went ahead and put his new stuff on the closet after it, and took a dry towel to take a shower. He got inside the only bathroom of the house, and turned on the hot water to relax a little. He thought of Tavros again, wondering if he missed him as well. He blushed, knowing he did. Something told him he missed him just a much, if not more. He thought he might be able to sneak away later that night and go to Tavros´ house, to clear his mind from all the bad feelings he was having. He was sure he might be able to climb the tree next to his window and knock at it softly, without waking up his mother. He was sure the boy was going to open it up, laughing quietly, and was going to let him borrow another one of his pajamas (which were too small on him), and was going to let him sleep beside him again, resting over his chest as he had done a few days before. He felt his cheeks get hot and he touched them curiously. He liked the idea of not sleeping alone, with the company of his best friend, and hoped this time he was going to be able to really enjoy it, because he wasn´t having a panic attack like that day. He got out of the shower, and searched his room for some clothes to sleep with, drying his hair with a smaller towel, and closed the door. He froze in place, his jaw dropping, as he realized the door knob was gone. There was no way of locking the door now. He began panting, terror building up in his chest, not wanting to imagine why his uncle would do such a thing. He dried himself as fast as he could, putting on his pants to get dressed as soon as possible.

-I see you finally got out. - He heard his voice behind him, and he jumped, squeaking with fear. His voice was monotone, deep, and strange. –I took the liberty of taking this off…- He showed him the knob, and threw it back, outside the room. Gamzee covered his bare chest with the wet towel as he looked at him, beginning to shake from something else than cold.

-W-why? - He asked quietly.

-Oh, just because. It bothers me how you lock yourself inside here. I´m here too, you know? No need to be antisocial. - He said, barely changing his tone.

-Put it back. - He said, not knowing what else to say.

-No. - He frowned, getting closer to the boy. Gamzee stepped back, seeing him step even closer, and finally felt his back touch the wall.

-Get out! –He yelled, his voice cracking. His uncle smirked.

-No.-

-I said, get out, motherfucker!- He yelled again, his eyes burning with an increasing rage. His uncle took the towel away from him, and threw it back. He raised his hand and slapped the boy across his face noisily, a dead silence following after.

-… Watch your words.- He muttered, and grabbed Gamzee by the hair, trying to lift him up a little to make him whine. –You hear me?- Gamzee began to cry, the slap burning still in his face, the tears running quietly. –Aw, don´t cry…- He let go of his hair, and caressed his face with the back of his hand, drying the quiet tears. Gamzee hit his hands, pushing them away.

-Don´t!...- He tried to yell, his voice cracking under his shivers. Richard looked at him, backing up a little, and closed the door.

-Get on the bed.- He ordered. Gamzee looked at him with a puzzled look, and then came the realization. He shook his head no, getting away from the bed, away from his uncle, curling up in a corner, still shaking his head. –I said get on the bed!- He raised his voice, and when he saw the boy close his eyes, and cover his ears, he walked towards him hurriedly. He grabbed him by an arm, yanked him towards the bed and threw him there.

-NO!- The boy yelled, trying to get up. His uncle got on top of him, pinning him down with his arms. –let me go!- He pleaded, trying to get his hands free. He bent down over him, close to his face, and kissed his lips forcefully, pushing his tongue through his pressed lips until it made it inside. Gamzee made a loud noise, trying to make him stop, and he decided to bite down on the disgusting and slimy tongue. His uncle jerked back, covering his mouth and closing his eyes a while, grunting. Gamzee looked at him with wide eyes. He suddenly felt a new slap that turned his face, then another one, and felt his hair being pulled painfully. –Ah!- He yelled, but received another strong slap that made him understand he was to be quiet.

-Do that again and I´ll cut your tongue.- He declared. He then unmade his pant´s zipper and pulled them down along with his underwear. Gamzee fixed his eyes on the grey wall, not wanting to see. The man took off the baggy pants the boy had put on, and threw them aside, to then spread his legs. Gamzee was quietly crying, biting down on his lip, trying to think of anything. Anything but what was going to happen. He then felt a sharp, deep pain that made his back arch, but he didn´t scream. He just bit his lip even harder, closed his eyes shut, and grabbed a handful of covers to hold on to something. –You´re gonna love this, faggot.-

Tavros arrived at his school at 7:45 AM. He had enough time to walk around the school and find his new classroom and choose a nice spot, even though half of his class had already done so by that time. He was excited to be in 8th grade, even though he was nervous to see all of his "friends" again. He didn´t really want to see them, and hoped they had changed to another school, or had been put in another class. He sighed, knowing that was unlikely. He decided to ignore them until one of them made conversation with him.

He got to his classroom, and sat in the back. To his disgrace, one of his old friends was there, sitting close to the front, and recognized him.

-Hey, Tavros!- He called, and his friends turned around to see who he was talking to. He had gotten bigger over the summer, and somehow he saw that he looked more like a teenager than a kid. Tavros smiled faintly, and tried to concentrate in getting his stuff out of his backpack. –Come sit here.- The boy ordered. Tavros looked at him and shook his head no, looking inside his backpack again. The boy stood up and went to stand beside Tavros, his newly found height shadowing him menacingly. –What did you say?- He asked, a frown on his face.

-I´m, uh, comfortable here.- Tavros explained, blushing from embarrassment. Every boy in the room was watching the scene. The boy laughed grimly.

-Shut up and get your stuff.- He said, starting to walk away slowly, expecting Tavros to follow him soon after.

-No, uh, thank you…- He said, opening up a notebook, and grabbing a pencil. His hands were shaking. The boy turned around slowly, all the kids in the class whispering at the same time, filling the classroom with a hum that was getting louder by the minute. The boy laughed yet again.

-Look who grew balls during the summer!- He chimed, earning all the boy´s laughter. Tavros felt himself sink in the chair. –I said grab your shit, fucker.- He said a bit more quietly, picking up Tavros´ notebook and throwing it on the floor. He stepped back. Tavros looked at his notebook and got up, bending down next to it. The boy took the chance to kick him painfully, making him fall over his face and hurt himself. The boys laughed harder than last time, the aggressor getting red with excitement. Tavros sat on the floor, grabbing his face in pain, and tried to hold the humiliating tears back.

-Dumbass.- He mumbled quietly, picking up the notebook and standing up. The boy took it away from him once again, and threw it farther away.

-Did you say something, pussy?- He asked, getting closer, and closer, being face to face with Tavros who tried to back away.

-No…- He mumbled again, looking down.

-What? I can´t hear you, pussy.-

-No.- He said, looking at him in the face. His eyes were grey and small, and his nose made him look like a pig. He was realizing now how much he always hated him. He felt the boy push him hard, making him trip and fall backwards on the floor again. And then he felt a warm spit hit him in the face.

-You´re a piece of shit, you knew that?- He asked him, a cold silence taking hold of the classroom. –No… you´re less than shit. You´re nothing.- He assured him, and then he raised his hand as if to hit him, bending a little, which made Tavros squeak and cover himself. –Hahaha!- He laughed, mocking him, seeing the teacher get inside the room with a big smile, which was his cue to go back to his seat and pretend nothing happened. Tavros got up slowly, cleaning his face with his sleeve with a disgusted expression. It was going to be a long day.

He waited for his father to pick him up later that day. He got inside the car quietly. -You had fun?- his father asked as he drove off, concentrating on the road.

-... Yeah.- He mumbled, looking out the window.

-Don´t tell me you wanted more vacations? Don´t be lazy, son!- He laughed happily, messing the boy´s hair. Tavros gave him a fake smile, and his father saw right through it. –Were they nice to you?- He asked a bit more serious. He always asked him that when he went to school, and always received the same faked happy response.

-No.- He confessed this time, clutching his fists, looking out the window as if his life depended on it, trying hard not to cry.

-… Son, you can´t let anyone be mean to you and get away with it. Hit them on their god dammed face!- He said, angry to see his son so depressed. He was already used to either see him accept his sad reality, or be happy. The later one being his favorite.

-You, uh, know I don´t have the guts to do that, dad, I´m not like you.- He said, his voice cracking at the end. His silent tears began to fall, and he was quick to cover his face, to not let the world see his humiliation.

-Don´t say that…- He said, patting his shoulder.

-I want to see Gamzee.- He cried suddenly, looking at his father. He looked at him back, and then to the road, taking a while to answer.

-Then why don´t you?-

-I don´t know… I haven´t seen him.-

-Maybe he started school as well. You have to understand that school sucks a lot of time from kids.-

-Maybe he got tired of me.- He said, and as soon as he expressed his fears he began to cry harder. He didn´t want to believe that. Not now when he truly needed him to make him smile.

-Don´t be stupid!- His father practically yelled at him, and looked at his face fiercely. -You´re not talking about the kids that bully you here, for God´s sake.- He wasn´t sure why he had told him that, but it was just what Tavros needed to hear.

-Yeah…- Gamzee was definitely not like those kids.

-Don´t you have his number?- He asked pulling up to their driveway.

-No…- He said, realizing he never asked him that.

-Okay, then just go see him at his house, dummy.- He opened his door and got out, opening Tavros´ door and helping him out.

-I…- He looked to the ground, shaking his head. –I don´t know where he lives.- He confessed, feeling shocked at the fact that he never cared to ask.

-Huh, you´re a funny kid.- He snickered, giving him a disapproving look. Gamzee never did let him go to his house. Never told him his address. His father left him alone in the drive way, going inside the house. He looked back at the curb where Gamzee used to sit, and went there to sit as well. He remembered how his "friends" pushed him around the whole day. Remembered the spit. The laughter. Remembered how they threatened to beat him up after school, but then changed their minds when they remembered his tough looking dad always picked him up. They told him to wait until tomorrow for a surprise. He hugged himself, shutting his eyes, crying quietly on the curb.

-Gamzee…- He called for his friend, feeling the pain only getting worse when his name escaped his lips. –Gamzee.- He said again, punishing himself for being such a bad friend, such a careless one. No wonder no one wanted him as a friend. He wasn´t made to have them. He remembered his dark and thick hair, his pale skin, his blue eyes, and his sweet smile. He cried harder. He cried until his father went outside and grabbed him by an arm to get him inside the house, giving him a hug and telling him it was going to be okay. But Tavros was sure he had lost his best friend forever, and was destined to be alone for the rest of his life.


	6. Chapter 5: Chances

Chapter 5: Chances

He got out of the house quietly, locking the door while he put on his hoodie. He was wearing a dark, purple backpack that was filled mostly with air, and a tired face that showed he hadn´t slept the whole night. He walked a couple of steps in the direction the school was and then stopped himself. He didn´t want to go. There were too many people there, too many curious eyes. Too many old friends that didn´t know what else to do besides showering him with worried questions about why he had that bruise, why he didn´t sleep for the last two days, or why he smelled like bitter smoke. Too many people. Too many lies. He sighed deeply. He didn´t have to go. He began walking the other way, towards a park where he and Tavros used to play. He stopped again. Tavros.

-Fuck!- He cursed under his breath, feeling his chest tighten. He wanted to see him so badly, he wished he could just take off running towards his house and cling to his chest. He didn´t want to see him. He didn´t want to have to explain his bruises. He didn´t want to expose the kid to such a pitiful exhibition. He felt disgusting and worthless, and thought that the cute, good boy shouldn't have to be around someone like him. His mother had been right all along. He was only a piece of white-trash shit after all. He bit on his lower lip hardly, tasting blood right away. He continued walking towards the park, knowing Tavros wouldn´t be there anyways. He took a little paper cylinder form his pocket, and an indigo colored metallic lighter. He took a long drag of the cigarette before turning the fire off and putting the lighter away. He smiled a bit, feeling himself relax almost instantly. He took another puff, letting it rest inside his cheeks for a while before inhaling it deeply and finally letting it out. He chuckled as he remembered how his brother used to do that. He remembered how he had taught him how to smoke. He shook his head, thinking that was a pretty irresponsible thing to do after all. But he really didn´t care or regret it. The dude had been high off his ass anyways. He chuckled again, letting the thin cigarette rest on his lips. He remembered how he had begun smoking it like crazy after his brother had died. It had been the only thing that kept him fairly distracted from the pain. It was the only thing that had made him refrain from cutting his own wrists. He had stopped doing it after a year or so, when his best friend from school, Karkat, had found out. He had slapped him across the face, asking him how he was able to smoke the same shit that had killed his own brother. He had thrown away all of his weed that day, even though he wasn´t able to leave it completely. But now he was hooked again, and didn´t really want to quit it. He found it eased his pain and made him forget what was going on around him. He remembered his best friend again, the one he had met at school and lived too far away to actually visit him on foot. He had seen him at school the past week, or at least the days he had actually cared to go. He had missed him a whole lot too, but he was the one that made the excessive amount of questions. And he didn´t want to worry him by showing up high and beat up to school, where he would sit right next to him to try to make him say anything. He shook his head again, not really knowing why. He got to the park and sat down next to a thick tree, laying his back against it, closing his eyes as he finished the last bit of his paper cylinder. He calculated he was going to have to be there until well past noon to make his uncle believe he had actually been to school. That thought made him frown a bit despite his current dizziness. He remembered to take off his backpack, and laid it on the grass next to him. He remembered he had brought his sketch book with him and a couple of pencils to pass the time. He dozed off with that thought in mind, drifting away to sleep as he imagined himself drawing Tavros´ kind face on the soft white sheets of paper.

-Dammit, Arlette!- His dad had yelled much too loudly. His parents liked to fight a lot, but not always as heated up as now. He was getting ready for school, but he put that aside for now as he got out of his room to walk downstairs quietly, to watch the morbid show. –Quit being a lazy ass!- He repeated, much more silently now. She was crying dramatically, and Tavros doubted there were actual tears on her face as he got closer to the kitchen to peek through the door.

-Shut up!- She hissed, grabbing some tissue and blowing her nose. –How did this happen?- She asked, not really directing the question to her husband as much as she was directing it towards God.

-You never stop buying useless crap, that´s how it went down.- He mumbled, mocking his wife. She made a frustrated sound, covering her eyes.

-No! You´re the stupid one that let your client get away with our money! What the hell were you thinking?! Didn´t you think of your wife? Of your damned kid upstairs?! Didn´t you think about his future?- She bawled, sitting herself on a chair. He looked down to the floor.

-Sometimes you have to take a chance.- He muttered.

-Ha! Wow, really mature. Bravo.-

-Shut the hell up already, you know you´re throwing this fit because you can´t even work a day without giving up. You´re a lazy bitch, how did I even lay my eyes on you? What the hell was I thinking?!- Tavros´ snickered form his hiding place. It was amazing how it always went to that conversation. How his father always rubbed his regrets on his mother´s face. He also wondered what he had seen in such a woman.

-Don´t blame me, you were the one begging for me to marry you.- She said. He grunted angrily, knowing it was the truth.

-Whatever. You gotta look for a job now if you want to live in this house, ´cause it ain´t paying itself.- He said, pointing at her menacingly. She snorted, drying her non-existent tears, giving up on arguing back.

-Whatever.- Tavros´ ran upstairs, knowing his father was going to go check if he was ready. Check if he had heard anything.

-You ready, Tav?- He knocked on his door before opening it, seeing him put gel on his Mohawk.

-Uh… yeah.- He said blushing, feeling a little bit naughty.

-I´m sorry… if you heard…-

-It´s okay dad.- He said quickly, looking at himself in the mirror.

-Tav, we need to talk… about your school.- He mumbled, not knowing how to continue. He didn´t want to scare his son with the prospect of not having any money. He knew he wasn´t greedy and didn´t care much about his family´s financial problems, but he did know he had the tendency of making problems bigger in his head. He had to find a way to break it down to him easily. To tell him some changes had to be made to save money. Then he got an idea. –Didn´t you tell me you hated your school?- He asked stupidly. Tavros nodded with a frown, remembering the cruel kids that enjoyed seeing him be humiliated. –Didn´t you say your friend went to a school a few blocks from here…?- Tavros´ face lighted up almost instantly, not needing any words to know what his dad was planning on doing. He heard his mother walk to the master bedroom, stomping her way up the staircase. He giggled, a bit embarrassed of his over reacting mother. He wasn´t as clueless as his parents thought, and he understood very well the problems that seemed to poison the house quietly. But he made an effort to not let it show at all. He finished up getting ready, and began walking towards the exit.

-Come dad, I´m, uh, going to be late.- He said worried, putting on his chocolate colored backpack. His father nodded a couple of times, biting his lip. He did feel guilty for having to sacrifice his son´s quality education in order to avoid losing their house. He patted his head before heading outside to start up the car and head for his private school a few miles away. The air was chilly, anticipating a cold Autumn. They left the driveway quickly, picking up the conversation shortly after.

-Anyways…- He started, clearing his throat as he maintained his eyes on the road. –You wanna switch schools?- He wasn´t sure at first if he should ask him. He would have to switch whether he wanted it or not, but he was now positively sure he wasn´t going to decline the offer. Or at least that´s what he hoped. Tavros gave him a fake, surprised smile.

-You mean, I, uh, can go to Gamzee´s school?- He asked, feeling actual excitement when he had said it out loud. He immediately remembered how Gamzee had given him the personal tour already, and how he had promised him that it would be "bitch tits" every single second he spent there. That is, if he ever did manage to go to that school. His father nodded.

-Yeah, sure son. Maybe you´ll get to see him at last.- he smiled at him, and noticed how happy he looked. He frowned a bit confused, only realizing now how happy that thought had made him. He almost felt guilty for having to wait for a crisis to do what his son needed to feel better. –It´s gonna be fun, huh?- He continued, messing his son´s gelled hair. –He´s gonna scare the bullies away, with how tall he is.- He added, remembering that his son´s friend was actually taller than the average kids his age. Tavros giggled nervously.

-I don´t, uh, think so… Gamzee isn´t scary, like, at all.- He confessed, remembering his cute smile and soft features. He blushed suddenly. He really wanted to see him.

-I´m glad you´re digging the idea, kid.- He said finally, parking at one side of the big school. Tavros kissed his cheek, surprising his father. –You sure you´re not going to miss this school?- He asked playfully, watching his son get out of the car.

-Hell no.- He muttered, making his father laugh loudly, making some parents look at him disapprovingly. He ran inside just when the bell started ringing.

He left his backpack in the living room, and opened the fridge to find something to eat. Richard had gone off to work, and the house was empty. He felt relieved to find it that way. He had known he wasn´t going to be able to live off of his brother, considering he barely left money for his own kid, so he found himself a part-time job at a library. That gave Gamzee enough time to be alone at his own house after noon, when was his uncle´s time to leave. He knew he was to be back around 7 PM though, and that always made his mouth taste funny with disappointment and fear. But all he could do was hope for the best and enjoy himself while he could. He got a cold bottle of Faygo from the fridge, his favorite soda, and chugged the whole thing with a few stops to breathe in between. He then made himself the only thing he could prepare himself for now, considering his uncle was going to pick up some things at the store on his way back. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He went to eat to his room, walking quickly as he felt a set of eyes looking at him from a corner of the kitchen. Maybe there were two sets of eyes. He shook away that thought, trying to ignore the occasional noises from the living room, and the taps on the wall. He didn´t need that shit. He turned on the radio almost to its full volume, and put on a CD from his favorite rap group. He loved rap. Almost as much as he loved to play guitar and the piano. And he had loved the fact that Tavros loved it too. He made a frustrated sound, finding himself thinking about his best friend again. He began rapping along with the lead singer, taking occasional bites of his food. He sang louder, feeling angry with himself. Why couldn´t he just go and see him? He sang louder. He barely could resist the urge of getting out of the house to pay him a visit. But something stopped him. Something wouldn´t let him have the guts to do so. He didn´t know what it was anymore. Was it fear that he would see his filthiness and wouldn´t want him as a friend anymore? He stopped singing, just hearing the loud thuds against his ears. Yes. He was scared to know if he would still be his friend or would reject him. He was scared because if it turned out to be the latter… He got up from the floor and turned off the radio, grabbing his acoustic guitar that rested against the wall, and went to sit on his bed, accommodating the guitar on his lap, resting his fingers over the tense strings. If it turned out to be the latter he wouldn´t be able to take it. He scratched at the strings loudly, tensing his stomach to find a good rough voice to go with the melody he was creating. He closed his eyes, inventing the lyrics and the music, just letting himself drift away with its colors.


	7. Chapter 6: The Inevitable

Chapter 6: the inevitable

His uncle was upset. He had received a letter on the mail, specifying that if Gamzee kept up habit of not going to school, he would have to find himself a new one. He had read it out loud to his nephew, looking at him with an incredulous face. He couldn´t believe that he had kept the charade of waking up early to waste the entire day somewhere else besides school for that long. The letter also informed he had only gone to school the first two weeks, and didn´t do it again for the last two months or so.

-Are you serious?- He asked him with a mocking sneer, lifting the paper in the air as evidence. Gamzee didn´t respond as he drank the last bit of soda of his bottle. –Hey.- He grabbed his face to force him to look at him. –I´m talking to you.- Gamzee pushed his hand away with a frown. Over the weeks he had built up the strength to do that. But he still was weaker than his uncle. –Your dad is going to be mad.- He said, shaking his head. Gamzee began laughing sarcastically. –Is That what you want? To end up being no one?- He asked. Gamzee shrugged. –You wanna end up being a pathetic fuck like your mommy?- Gamzee´s eyes flashed with anger at the mentioning of his mother.

-Shut up.- He threatened, not really succeeding at intimidating his uncle.

-Or like your brother…- He licked his lips, surely remembering something revolting. –He would have been better off selling his worthless ass.-

-Don´t you dare… Talk about my brother.- He growled, showing his teeth.

-You´re not as cute as him, but you could do that too. Yeah, who needs school? Sell your pussy.- He said, laughing at Gamzee´s furious face.

-You motherfucker, take that back!- He threatened again, much aware that he wasn´t going to intimidate the older man. He just continued with his grim laughter. –You son of a bitch!- He yelled, and felt the tears run down his cheeks. He wiped the off with the sleeve of his jacket, feeling humiliated. His uncle stopped laughing only to get closer to him.

-You´re going to go to school, you hear me?- He wasn´t as interested in Gamzee´s education as he was in letting him know who was in charge. Gamzee looked down to the floor, not being able to keep back his tears. He felt helpless. He suddenly grabbed him by his hair to make him face him. –I said did you hear me?- Gamzee squeezed his eyes shut, crying noisily.

-Let me go.- He pulled at his hair harder, making the boy whimper. –Please.- He opened his eyes to look at the man. He felt a sharp slap on the side of his head that made him feel a bit disoriented.

-Did you?- He asked again, almost lifting him by the handful of hair he was holding on to.

-Yes!- He finally cried, and his uncle let him go.

-Good.- He muttered, wiping some drool off of the side of his mouth. He checked the clock on his wrist. 8:30 AM. –Wash your face and get out.- He ordered, and Gamzee went to the bathroom right away to follow his orders. He soon was out of the house, the cold water refreshing his hot face, the subtle wind making him feel cold soon after. Any kind of disobedience of his uncle´s orders would resolve in more violence, he was sure. He put on his practically empty backpack and headed towards the school, the chilly morning welcoming him into her cruel arms.

He walked a few blocks until he arrived at the grey and blue colored school, walking through the grass to shorten the distance between the parking lot and his classroom. It looked the same as it always had, but he couldn´t help feeling as if he hadn´t seen the place in ages. He stepped in a few fallen brown leaves, making noise as he got closer. He was worried everyone would notice his red and puffy face, but he had no choice. He arrived a few minutes late, he noticed, since there weren´t any children outside of their classrooms anymore, but he went ahead and entered the room anyways, not bothering to get a pass, too anxious to sit at his desk to hide his shame under his hoodie. He didn´t feel prepared to go back. He stepped inside and searched his seat in the front row, noticing as well that the room was loud with goodhearted conversations as the teacher wrote something in her notebook. He took a seat, rubbing his temples, feeling dizzy with the lack of sleep and the excess of tears.

-Mr. Makara, do you think you can just go ahead and sit like that? You´re late. That doesn´t happen in my class.- She emphasized the word "class" with an obnoxious high pitched voice. He pretended not having heard her since the kids were talking louder by the minute, excited about their weekends. It was going to be a long one after all: Saturday, Sunday and Monday. He was surprised though to find that she still remembered his name. He tried to rest his head on his desk, knowing there were some kids looking at him, trying to figure out who he was, or wondering where he had been all those weeks he hadn´t gone to school. He tried to ignore their burning curious eyes.

-God dammit, you idiot, I told you to shut up!- The loud yell was followed by a row of laughter as Karkat blushed embarrassed. He hadn´t realized his burst of anger had been that loud and now the teacher was slowly getting up, her eyes fixed on him. The kid´s conversations died out quickly, too nervous and excited to see what was going to happen to the foul mouth.

-Excuse you, young man?- Karkat was quick to stand up from his seat and point at another boy.

-He was bothering me!- He lied, making the boy blush as well form embarrassment.

-B-but I…- He stuttered, trying to explain what had happened. He had just meant to ask the boy if he had an eraser he could burrow. The teacher shook her head with disapproval, pointing at the two boys.

-We don't lie to get away with our problems, Mr. Nitram. I thought better of you, I must say, considering you came from a prestigious school.- She sneered as she emphasized the word "prestigious". –And as of you, Mr. Vantas… Mr. Vantas, look at me. Am I going to have to wash your mouth with soap?- The children giggled at the thought of the crabby kid fighting with the teacher with a bar of soap in his mouth. –Come here, both of you.- She ordered, turning back to her seat, thinking of the best way to punish the naughty kids. The rest of her class picked up their merry chats slowly. She suddenly turned to Gamzee and pointed at him with a thick and short index finger. –Don´t you dare think you got away with arriving late, mister, came here as well. We have matters to discuss.- She frowned a bit worried, letting Gamzee know she meant his repeated absences. She sat herself on her desk, taking out some sheets of paper. Karkat walked towards his friend instead, his eyes worried and surprised at the same time. He hadn´t seen him in weeks already and had no idea what had happened to him. He wanted to ask him why he had been missing to school like that, and as he walked towards his seat he opened his mouth to speak. But he was stopped when he saw him looking back at him. His first thought was to ask him why he had been crying, noticing right away his pitiful puffy face. But he saw a strange look on his friend´s face that made him turn around to see what he was looking at behind him. There was just Tavros. Gamzee stood up from his seat clumsily, almost tripping over it, and stormed out of the room as fast as he could, not without leaving everyone wondering what was going on in a new uncomfortable silence filled with expectation. –Mr. Makara, who told you…? Mr. Makara!- But he was already outside, walking quickly. Karkat looked at Tavros with a frown before going after Gamzee, too worried to care what the teacher would say anymore. He had to run a little to catch up with him, and grabbing him by the shoulder he made him turn around to face him.

-The hell was that?!- He asked, panting a little, searching with his eyes the answer on his face. He was crying. –W-what´s wrong?- He asked worried, feeling the urge to hug his friend and soothe him, touching his face softly to try to calm him down. Gamzee backed away, not letting him touch his skin, drying his tears with the sleeves of his jacket.

-Nothing!- He yelled, and as soon as he spoke he cried harder. –fuck…- He whispered, feeling his throat close, his face flush greatly, and his sleeve get soaked in tears in only seconds.

-Why the fuck do you not let me help you?- He asked, feeling useless. He knew something was very wrong and wanted to help his friend. But he could do nothing unless Gamzee told him what was going on.

-Gamzee!- The soft voice yelled from behind Karkat, a mixture of eagerness and pain hidden in it. Gamzee was able to see his light brown eyes shine beautifully with worry before he turned back again, running through the grass, stepping on the early autumn leaves, hurrying towards somewhere else. Anywhere. Karkat called his name as well, not daring to follow him, clutching his fists furiously.

-And who the fuck are you? Why do you know his name?!- He surprised himself with the obsessive tone of jealousy in his voice. He looked down to the cold concrete, shaking his head, and then looked at Tavros. –You´re the new kid, aren´t you?- He nodded. -Then why do you know Gamzee?- He was confused. Not because of the fact that they knew each other, no, that wasn´t it. The world is a small place, and stuff like that happened all the time, he thought. No. What confused him was the pained look in Gamzee´s face as he ran away from that boy. Tavros shrugged, not really wanting to explain much of it to a stranger like his classmate.

-He´s my… uh… best friend.- He said, looking in the direction Gamzee had left just seconds ago. He himself had winced a bit when he said "best friend", not being sure if the term still applied to their relationship. He wasn´t sure of many things now more than any time before, and the fact that he had proved that Gamzee was avoiding him made him more confused about it all. He couldn´t understand. Karkat seemed confused as well, as he opened his mouth to speak one more time, being left with the words stuck inside of him as Tavros decided to run after Gamzee. –Cover me!- He said with a smile, and Karkat couldn´t help but to mock his words while he flipped him off. Even though he did explain what had happened to the teacher and made sure neither of them got in trouble.

He had to run for a while, looking for Gamzee, knowing somehow that he didn´t go towards their neighborhood. He thought he was going to get lost the minute he noticed he didn´t know where he was going really, but then surprised himself with a hidden self confidence that made him trust his instincts, and follow the invisible trail that Gamzee had left behind him. He arrived at the park they used to play at, and walked around, smiling unconsciously at the memories the place brought up inside him. He thought he had heard a noise close to where they both used to sit at during the hottest days, resting under a thick and fresh tree shadow. He came closer to the spot and saw Gamzee sitting there, hugging his own legs while he rested his head on the tree trunk. He had his eyes closed and he was crying quietly, the silent tears sliding down his cheeks to his jaw, falling on his jacket. He looked different. He swore he looked taller than last time he saw him, and could see his features had been slowly losing their smooth, fatty edges to be replaced by a more slender, graceful face. He looked skinnier too, and that scared him a little. He was amazed at how much he had changed in so little time. But then again, they were right in the tender age where if they weren´t careful enough, childhood slipped right through their fingers like sand to be suddenly, cruelly replaced by the uncomfortable stage the teenagers had to go through. He got down on his knees beside him, trying to make some noise to not scare him. Gamzee sensed his presence and covered his face with his hands. Tavros grabbed his hands softly to remove them, and found two huge blue eyes looking back at him. He frowned at those eyes, regretting their puffiness, their tired redness, and their sadness. He looked at him while the other did the same, probably discovering the same disturbing feeling of not knowing the boy beside him. He had changed as well.

-Hi…- Tavros said quietly, trying to smile. Gamzee pursed his lips, and clung to Tavros´ jacket, barely pulling it towards him. Tavros surrounded him with his arms and hugged him tightly, helping him hide his face in the crook of his neck. Gamzee let out a bitter loud cry as he grasped Tavros´ jacket strongly now, hugging him back with the same strength, with the same level of need, taking the chance to breathe in the familiar and safe scent. They sat there, hugging each other for a long time, Tavros running his fingers through Gamzee´s hair as he waited patiently for the boy to cry all of his tears.

-Tav…- He sobbed, breathing heavily as he gasped for air, the intensity of his pain taking his breath away as he cried it out.

-It´s going to be okay.- He whispered to his ear, rubbing his back, hoping it was true. Gamzee finally sighed deeply, and let go of Tavros to dry his abundant tears from his whole face with his sleeve. The boy helped him as well, using his hands to wipe them away softly.

-I´m sorry.- He mumbled, still drying his face. He giggled, and Tavros noticed he meant the big, humid stain he had left on his jacket, on his whole shoulder. It had absorbed most of his tears. Tavros smiled as he looked at it, shrugging.

-Don´t worry about it.- Gamzee nodded, and for a second Tavros thought he was going to cry again. But instead, he just sighed and swallowed hard, looking straight at his face. He took Tavros´ hand timidly and held it on his lap. Tavros didn't complain as he himself entwined his fingers with his tightly. Neither of them knew what to say. Gamzee had mixed feelings as he felt revulsion towards himself and wanted to avoid Tavros having to deal with him. And at the same time he felt too happy like to be able to hide away from Tavros again. The brown haired boy just didn´t know what was going on with him in the first place like to say something smart, not wanting to hurt him by accident.

-You changed schools.- He was the first one to break the awkward silence, playing with Tavros´ hand timidly, rubbing the back of it with his thumb slowly.

-I told you I was going to… uh, didn´t I?- He asked, smiling warmly. He did tell him, even if he hadn´t been so positive of making it happen at the time. Gamzee smiled back, nodding. –I wanted to, uh… be with you, you know?- He said, looking down at the grass. –You´re my best friend.- There was a tinge of sadness in the way he said those words that made Gamzee feel guilty.

-You´re my best friend too, Tav.- He said, giving him a sweet and honest smile that made him blush. They looked at each other a little longer, and Tavros finally let go of Gamzee´s hand to check his phone.

-Do you want to, uh, have some breakfast?- He asked, and Gamzee nodded quietly, not knowing if he was hungry or not. –Come here, let´s go home.- He said, helping Gamzee get off the grass.


	8. Chapter 7: Silence

Chapter 7: Silence

The walk home was silent. Gamzee felt there were so many things to say, he didn´t know where to start. He wasn´t even sure if there was anything to say at all. Tavros saw that his dad´s car was still on the driveway. He opened the front door with his key, letting Gamzee inside the house. It was starting to get really cold outside, and the warm house felt like heaven. He led his friend upstairs, but was stopped by his father, who was going the opposite way.

-The hell are you doin´ here?- He asked angrily, noticing after a couple of seconds that Gamzee was right behind him. –Oh, hey child.- He said softly, smiling widely. He got closer to Gamzee, and pulled him into a tight hug that buried his red face in his wide chest. He hugged him a while, giving in to his paternal instinct. –Good thing to have you back.- He said, sweetly. He then let go of him to hold his face in his hands, pinching one of his cheeks playfully. –I almost lost a child, dear God!- He joked, faking a devastated face that made Gamzee laugh noisily and Tavros blush from embarrassment.

-Dad…- He began. Gamzee felt a warm feeling in his chest that he had been missing for years. He didn´t want to leave that house ever again as he suddenly remembered how much he appreciated that kind of human contact. Mr. Nitram let go of Gamzee, remembering he had to hunt down some papers for his job.

-Don´t you dare make this a habit, young man!- He pointed at Tavros. –This is first and last time you miss school, you hear me?- Tavros nodded. He felt satisfied with the answer as he walked towards the kitchen, distracted again, and Tavros took the chance to drag Gamzee up to his room. They both kept giggling at his father. His room was still the same as he remembered, with the exception that he seemed to have moved his bed to another wall. He put his backpack on the floor, and sat on his soft bed, bouncing on it for a little while. Tavros sat next to him, looking at his face.

-You feel any better, Gamzee?- He asked, rubbing his shoulder. He nodded instead, smiling faintly.

-Yeah.- He felt a lot better than he could tell him.

-You guys need anything?- His father opened the door hurriedly, probably still thinking about what he had to do during the day.

-Dad! Could you knock, please?- He said, not really managing to sound angry. –We´re fine, dad, thank you.-

-Ok, good, I have to go to work now, so you´re in charge of the house, okay?- He said quickly, pointing at Tavros. Then he pointed a finger at Gamzee. -Keep an eye on him, I don´t wanna see any girls or booze when I get back!- They both giggled nervously, looking at each other from the corner of their eyes. –´Kay, don´t open the door to strangers.- And he closed the door with a wave, running downstairs to get to work as soon as possible. They were left alone again in the awkwardness of them moment, still not sure of what to say, not feeling even sure there was something to say at all. Gamzee decided to break the ice a little bit.

-I really like your dad.- He said smiling, remembering the sweet hug he had given him. He did feel he was almost like his father. He wished he was his father.

-You mean… uh, well… wait, you´re not going to tell me he´s hot, are you?- He asked, a serious look on his face. Gamzee stared at him incredulous before breaking off into a long needed laughter.

-What? No! What the hell, Tav?- He laughed, hitting his friend on the head with the nearest cushion.

-Hey!- He joined him in his laughter. –I had to make sure! I had a couple of, uh, friends that thought so before.- Gamzee kept on laughing, flashing his teeth and grabbing at his stomach. –I´m pretty sure they only came here to my place to, uh, see him.- He said a little more serious, thinking that was probably true. –It´s kinda gross.-

-Well, no Tavros, I don´t really think your dad is hot.- He said blushing, because of the wording more than anything.

-Okay… good.- He murmured quietly, still giggling. He thought of asking him if he thought he was hot instead, but decided against it. That was a stupid question too.

-I missed you.- he said suddenly serious, but with a happy look on his face. Tavros smiled, looking down at his knees as Gamzee shifted a bit on the bed to face him better.

-I missed you too, Gamzee.- He wanted to tell him to not leave him like that again. He wanted to ask him why he had done it in the first place. But he was too scared to find that it would hurt Gamzee to talk about it. He had no idea of what had made him miss school the few weeks he had been in his class, being surprised to find that Gamzee was actually on the class list, but he was never there. He didn´t know why he had cried so hard in his arms, as if something was really hurting him inside. He wanted to know, but doubted he would tell him right away. He wanted to know why he had disappeared for so long, leaving him thinking he had done something horrible to earn his hate. In the days he had felt especially lonely he had thought that Gamzee really did ditch him for someone else.

-I´m… sorry.- He said suddenly quiet, looking the other way. Tavros looked at him with a preoccupied expression.

-What for?-

-Well… for…- He sighed, his thoughts too tangled to sort them out. –You know. Avoiding you.- He managed, not knowing really if that was the correct wording for what he had done. Tavros looked down at the cream colored carpet, stroking its fur with his foot. He swallowed a thick lump in his throat.

-It´s okay, really. I understand if, you… Don´t want to be friends with me anymore.- He wanted to slap himself. He was asking for pity, for Gamzee to feel remorse, knowing that he was upset for some unknown reason. Even though he did guess it had a lot to do with his deceased mother. He pursed his lips and closed his eyes shut, wishing that he hadn´t heard him. He felt very stupid.

-I… Tav, that´s not it.- He shook his head, surrounding him with his arms instantly in a desperate hug. –No, Tav, I… Why would you think that?- He couldn´t believe he had said that. It was the last thing he would dare think. –I would never do that to you.- Tavros bit his lip, trying to suppress his tears, feeling his eyes itching madly, his chest tighten, his cheeks burning red. -I´m so sorry if I made you think that, Tav. It ain´t true.- He kissed the fluffy short hair at the side of his head, still hugging him tightly. That wasn´t right. He should be the one making him feel better. Not the other way around.

-I… I know, Gamzee.- He admitted, hugging him back at last, his voice cracking. He couldn´t compare Gamzee with the boys that claimed to be his friends before. He couldn´t. His eyes gave in, letting warm and salty tears fall from them. He dried them quickly, getting away from Gamzee´s grip, trying to shake off the mixture of sadness and pure gratefulness he was feeling. He smiled hugely instead, trying to cover the trail his chaste tears had left. –I invited you over for, uh, breakfast, uh, didn´t I?- He giggled getting up from the bed, pushing the subject aside. –Let´s go downstairs, I think there´s some, uh, pancake mix.- Gamzee sighed, smiling back.

-Sounds delicious.-

Richard hung his keys on a nail on the wall, taking off his jacket, sighing tiredly. He turned on the lights as he walked towards the bathroom, taking the chance to peek through Gamzee´s door. He thought he was asleep. There was no one inside. He frowned, getting to the bathroom´s sink and washing his face thoroughly, drying it with a green hand towel. He looked at his watch. It was past 8 PM. He frowned again, going to sit at Gamzee´s room, turning on the light as he entered the messy place. There were empty bottles of Faygo all over the floor, and his bed remained unmade. He figured. It was always like that. He began straightening the bed up, stopping suddenly.

-Where the hell is that kid?- He asked the empty room softly, picking the pillow up in his big hands. He puffed it, then again, and finally decided to bury his face in it. It smelled like Grapes and Blueberries. He breathed in deeply, 2, 3 times, exhaling hardly as he imagined Gamzee´s young, smooth and scented body. He put the pillow down, finishing his task. He sat down on the edge of the bed, unconsciously stroking the pillow. Smiling. He needed him to be there right that instant. He tried to remember what he looked like the night before. He giggled stupidly, grinning, sliding a hand to his crotch. –Last night you were a bitch.- He laughed, closing his eyes, slowly stroking himself, talking as if the kid would be able to hear him. He remembered how Gamzee had fought back harder last night, and had bitten him at least 5 times in different places, each stronger than last one. He smiled again. He had rewarded the behavior with a bite as well, ripping through the skin of his perfectly white chest with his teeth and ripping a loud howl from his throat, leaving an oval mark made of irregular dents. He loved torturing the little boy when he resisted. Which was every night he got inside his bed. He loved being able to hit him, to punish him, he loved the powerful feeling of being in charge. He liked being the boss. He liked the confidence with which he behaved around him. Around kids in general. It wasn´t the same with people his age. No, those worthless imbeciles, that didn´t know what else to do beside criticize him, humiliate him, and make him feel insignificant. They could all die for all he cared. He sneered, pausing momentarily his hand movement. He hated them. But it was so easy to deal with Gamzee. He smiled again. His Gamzee. He felt morbid butterflies just thinking about the night that was to come, wondering if the kid still had it in him to try to fight back. He hoped so. But Gamzee didn´t come back home that night.

Tavros opened his drawers, hunting down some clothes for his friend. He knew jeans weren´t exactly the most comfortable clothing to sleep with, even though smaller clothes weren´t a great idea either. He giggled silently at that thought, knowing Gamzee had grown since he last saw him, and would probably feel uncomfortable in his old pajamas. Good thing he had grown a bit as well, and had bought new clothes to sleep with more comfortably. He took out a baggy white t-shirt and a pair of baggy orange pants as well, and handed them to his friend. Gamzee received them, looking them over for a second.

-You sure it doesn´t bother you, bro?-

-Why would it?-

-I dunno… Your mom is here, isn´t she?- He asked nervously. Yes, she had arrived home around 6 PM, complaining about how tired she felt and how bad they treated her at work. She argued she wasn´t an animal. Her husband had argued back that she sure looked like one. Tavros nodded carelessly.

-It´s, uh, okay. My dad likes you. She won´t do anything stupid.- And by stupid he meant "open her mouth at all". Gamzee seemed to think it through for a bit, probably remembering the dreadful first impression they had of each other. He eventually shrugged it off, hoping to not run into her while he stayed over. He had asked Tavros if he could spend the night over, having felt a tight knot in his stomach the moment he saw the watch and thought he had to go home. Tavros agreed immediately, not wanting to lose the chance of making up for the time lost. His father had liked the idea as well, suggesting Gamzee to help him study for his tests next week. Gamzee had just smiled forcefully, not even knowing what tests he was talking about.

-Thanks, Tav.- He said, going back to the bed to change his clothes. Tavros followed him closely, wanting to receive his street clothes to put them away somewhere, where they wouldn´t be in the way and make his room look messy. Gamzee took off his shirt, and handed it to Tavros looking like a cloth ball. Tavros gasped and let it fall to the ground.

-Gamzee… w-what happened?- He asked wide eyed, extending his hand towards the big scabbed wound that decorated his chest, under his right nipple. Gamzee backed away, hiding himself with his arm before remembering he had a shirt in his hand. He put on the loose white t-shirt quickly, feeling his heartbeat increase in speed. –Gamzee?-

-It´s nothin´, bro.- He responded, changing his pants next. Tavros bent to pick up the purple shirt he had dropped, and folded it neatly, keeping his eyes fixed on it to ignore the abundant bruises he was able to see all over his white legs as well.

-That… didn´t look like nothing.- He said quietly, folding the freshly used jeans as well, noticing they were warm with Gamzee´s body heat. Gamzee just stood there.

-Don´t worry about it.- He said, trying to change the subject. –It´s nothing. I just got into a fight.- He assured him, not knowing if that was the best excuse he could come up with. He hoped it was good enough. Tavros looked him up and down, not really buying his story.

-Um… okay.- He said, not sure if he should push the subject. It did hurt a little that Gamzee didn´t trust him enough like to tell him how he had gotten hurt, but he figured there was nothing he could do about that. He sighed, shaking his head.

-What time is it?- He asked suddenly, probably trying to easy the uncomfortable silence that had gotten hold of the room. Tavros looked to his bedside table, reading the big light blue numbers on the black screen.

-Almost 11 PM.- He answered casually, feeling tired at the realization it was that late. –You wanna play Wii or watch a movie?- His eyes lit up a little, not caring he had already played and watched movies all day with him. He really enjoyed the way Gamzee seemed to watch a completely different movie, seeing that he made strange comments that he would have never thought up. He also loved the way he got distracted while playing video games, forgetting their missions and which character he was of the two running around on the TV. He thought it was funny and somehow, cute.

-Naw, I´m kinda tired.- He said, actually yawning dramatically. Tavros nodded, and quickly got inside his bed, under the covers.

-You get the lights.- He chuckled softly, covering his face with the covers. Gamzee just giggled stupidly and went for the lights, walking back to the bed in the darkness, telling Tav to move so he could fit in the bed. He held on to Tavros, resting his head on his chest, sighing. Tavros patted his head and ran his fingers through his hair softly, being able to pick up his sweet scent from how close he was. Gamzee chuckled, hugging him even tighter. –What?- He asked giggling nervously, putting his hand down beside him. Gamzee lifted his head up in the dark, looking at his face closely. Tavros could barely see his features in the darkness of the room, the only source of light being the street lights outside his window, giving the room a faint orange glow.

-Nothin´- He whispered, and Tavros realized how close he was from the air that tickled his face as he spoke. He felt his heartbeat increase in speed, pounding against his chest. He felt embarrassed to think that Gamzee would probably hear it, or even feel it under his hand. The black haired boy stayed looking at him a while, frowning as he thought something over.

-Um…- He wondered if he was planning on telling him something important from the amount of time the other one had remained silent, looking at him in the dark. His eyes hadn´t adapted yet, and he still could barely guess his silhouette against the dim light. He suddenly felt his friend´s wet lips rest on his softly, making him squeak from surprise and get hotter in the face than he ever thought of being able. He could feel them moving slowly, and could feel his nose next to his, tickling his flesh. Gamzee stopped the short kiss, hearing Tavros´ fast and heavy breathing while trying to get a look at him in the dark. He leaned in again, and Tavros tilted his head, welcoming his cold lips, lifting a hand up to his hair and letting it grip his messy tangles to push him closer. He had always seen people kissing on the TV, and had always made disgusted faces at them, thinking it was a gross show to both watch and be a part of. He was surprised to feel as wonderful as he was feeling, and to feel the need of not stopping. He had never kissed anyone before, not even by accident. He wondered if that was Gamzee´s case as well. He had been distracted by his thoughts and was brought back to reality as his friend glided the tip of his hot tongue timidly over his bottom lip. He gasped, feeling his stomach do a flip, and broke the kiss to look away in the darkness. Gamzee kissed his cheek softly instead, and then his jaw, to then go back to resting his head on Tavros´ chest, smiling amazed at how furiously his heart was beating, banging against his ear. He could also feel how his chest heaved strongly, lifting up his head along with it to get enough air in his lungs. He remained silent even after his breathing had calmed down a little.

-…You okay, Tav?- He asked quietly, wanting to know if he had scared him. He hoped he didn´t mess everything up by his impulsive actions.

-…Yeah.- He whispered back, blushing at the sound of his voice. Gamzee shifted a little, deciding to rest beside his friend instead of on top of him, where he could also see him face to face. Tavros didn´t look away.

-Did…- He wanted to know really badly what he was thinking so much in that stubborn silence. –Did you like it?- He thought that would tell him right away if he had made a terrible mistake. Tavros bit his lower lip, now being able to see Gamzee despite the dark, touching his own lips to relive the moment in his head.

-Um… Yes.- He admitted quietly. Gamzee grinned hugely, sweetly, searching one of his hands to hold it and kiss it as well. –Stop…!- He giggled as his soft lips tickled his sensitive wrist, trying to not speak too loud to not wake his parents. Gamzee let him go and they both gazed into each other eyes for a while, falling asleep without noticing it, with a slight smile on their faces.


	9. Chapter 8: Sick

Chapter 8: Sick

The bright morning light entered the room, waking the pale boy shortly after. It took him a while to remember where he was, but seeing a sleeping Tavros next to him made him remember the day before. He was snoring softly, making little struggling noises from time to time. He guessed he was dreaming. He looked at his features, his soft tanned skin, his brown hair, his big closed eyes, and small nose, and couldn´t help but to stroke his cheek lightly with the back of his hand, trying to not wake him up while touching him. He felt so warm and soft. Tavros stirred in his sleep and finally opened his eyes lazily, noticing Gamzee was awake and watching him sleep. He smiled, still trying to wake up, and rubbed his eyes.

-Good morning. - Gamzee said happily, moving away from his face to give him some space.

-Hi…- He said dozily, stretching a little, and then stared into his face. He wondered how long he had been looking at him sleep like that, and blushed at the thought of having said or done something embarrassing while he was asleep. But Gamzee just kept staring at him as if there was something wonderful on his face. –Stop, uh, looking at me like that!- He giggled, pushing him away playfully. The boy chuckled, getting closer instead, kissing him good morning on the lips softly. Tavros blushed intensely, almost forgetting the kiss from last night. He had sworn it had been only a dream. He kissed him back timidly, closing his eyes, surrounding his neck with his arms unconsciously to pull him closer. He thought it was a wonderful activity that made him feel funny and wondered why he hadn´t done it with Gamzee before. He heard his father´s footsteps on the corridor and they let go of each other hurriedly, laughing nervously and trying to look normal despite their red cheeks.

-Hey, breakfast is served downstairs, you guys get up now, or you´ll get none.- His father said happily while opening the door, knocking the door quickly a couple of times after doing so.

-Dad! That's, uh, not exactly how the knocking works!- He said giggling, watching Gamzee cover himself with the covers, trying not to laugh too hard. –We´ll be down in a minute. - His father didn´t seem to understand what his son meant, so he just left him and his friend alone.

-Make it a second, ´cause I´m hungry. - And he closed the door after him. They got up hurriedly, racing downstairs to get some food in their empty stomachs, arriving at the dining room just when his father was actually serving the food. –You guys hungry, huh?- He joked, serving them their share of omelet, serving himself and his wife as well. Gamzee gave a quick glare to the spot Tavros´ mother was going to sit at, and shortly after said woman appeared through the door, a red robe covering her night gown.

-Good morning. - She said forcefully, smiling without wanting to. –Ah! We have guests I see.- She said, glaring at her husband with her pale blue eyes to then look at Gamzee up and down. She wasn´t able to recognize the pitiful boy she had seen months ago, at the beginning of summer, playing with her son under the dying afternoon sun.

-Good morning. - He said awkwardly, not knowing what else to tell her.

-No wonder there was so much noise.- She whined, remembering how she had been startled to hear a race through the stairs she hadn´t expected. –The house is so quiet, usually. - She sat down, picking up her fork to eat her breakfast. Mr. Nitram went to the kitchen to get the coffee he had forgotten to serve. –So, darling, you hadn´t introduced us! - She tried to make conversation despite her own aversion in doing so with the kids. She just liked to talk.

-Oh. Uh, he´s my friend Gamzee… Gamzee, she´s my, uh, mother, Arlette- He said, blushing. Gamzee nodded in her direction, and she did the same.

-A pleasure.- She lied. –Are you a friend from school? - He nodded watching as Tavros´ father came back with the bitter, hot beverage. He wished he had brought a soda with him. –From his new school. - She said, not really asking him. She was sure of it by the way he looked. He nodded again. – I see. - There was a short awkward silence in which they all just fixed their eyes on their plates. –So, what does your father do for a living? - She asked, taking a sip of her coffee, pursing her lips when she noticed it was too bitter.

-He works for a company. - He said, taking a spoonful of food to excuse himself from not saying anymore.

-Ah. And your mother? Because, I assume that for people in your situation both of your parents work. - She said smiling, feeling her husband´s glare stab at her face.

-And what exactly is his "situation", Arlette?- Her husband started, already mad at her for the stupid comment, not only for insulting Gamzee openly, but also because of the obvious complaining of having to work like a common woman. She was going to answer back but Gamzee had already spoken.

-She died a little while ago. - He said coldly, fixing his eyes on hers while drinking some coffee. Tavros looked at him from the corner of his eye, sliding a hand under the table to grab his. He didn´t like the way that conversation was going and wanted to make sure he knew he was on his side. Tavros´ father looked at Gamzee wide eyed, his jaw dropping a little, being taken by surprise. He had no idea the boy had lost his mother recently and somehow he felt bad for not knowing to give him some support. His wife cleared her throat noisily, looking back at Gamzee.

-Well, I-I´m sorry to hear that.- She managed, putting a napkin to her lips, actually feeling a tinge of guilt for reminding him of his suffering. She stood up from her seat, deciding she was done. –If you excuse me, I have some important things to do. - She said politely, also thanking her husband for the food. He just nodded back. She left for her room, not saying any more.

-… You guys want more? Maybe more coffee or tea? - He asked, standing up as well. They both nodded, so he left for the kitchen once more. On his way he ruffled Gamzee´s hair lovingly. –Don´t mind her, she´s always been a little crazy. You´re always welcome here, Gamz. - He assured, leaving them alone.

-You can stay a little longer… if, you want to, that is. - Tavros scratched his head, beginning to feel a little too pushy from all the persuasion he was making. Gamzee had stated he should head home right after they finished having breakfast, feeling that he didn´t want to wear out his welcome in the house. He had already stayed the whole previous day, and didn´t want to mean any trouble for his friend´s father. Tavros tried to convince him it wasn´t necessary.

-No Tav, I should really get home now. - He said smiling at how hard Tavros was trying to make him stay. He thanked it.

-… Alright. - He muttered, looking down at the floor. Gamzee picked his backpack from the carpeted floor, feeling as if it was heavier than it should. He was already regretting the decision of going back to his house. –But I´ll walk you home. - He added, grabbing a jacket to protect himself from the chilly weather outside despite the cold sun.

-… No Tav, you don´t have to. I´m fine. - He grinned. He didn´t want him to be near his personal hell.

-But, I want to. - He said, a confident smile dancing on his lips.

-really Tav, it ain´t necessary.-

-I´m going with you. - He declared, blushing from how good it felt to impose his decisions. He began walking, practically pushing Gamzee downstairs. The boy sighed a bit unhappy, but accepted after a while. Tavros was really excited of finally getting to see his house. He had felt really guilty when he had realized he didn´t know where Gamzee lived, and thought that was a perfect chance to fix that. He called out to his father that he was going to make sure Gamzee got home safely, receiving a distant OK as a response. They went outside and walked towards his house slowly, side by side, talking about random things that popped in their heads. After a few minutes they arrived at a grey small house that resembled a sick old man trying to not fall over his weak knees.

-This is my house. - He muttered, walking towards the front door. Tavros followed behind him, looking at the house in awe, not having expected such a sad looking building. It almost made him shiver from something he couldn´t yet identify. –…Tav? - He blinked a couple of times, noticing he had stared longer than he should have. He also noticed he was frowning at the house.

-Um… you did, uh, live really close to my house. - He commented, fixing his eyes on the concrete. Gamzee nodded silently, searching for his keys. The door opened by itself, and Tavros looked up to meet the eyes of an older man standing under the doorframe.

-Look who decided to show up! - The adult said sarcastically, cleaning up the sweat from his brow despite the cold weather. He looked relieved. –I was worried. - He explained. And it was true. He hadn´t been able to sleep the whole night, worried that Gamzee had ran away from the house. He had felt a sharp pain on his chest when he thought his lover had abandoned him, feeling as if his heart was breaking into tiny pieces. He had also been afraid that the kid had gone off to a police station or had told someone about his "situation". He had been more worried about the last one.

-Um, he, uh, was at my house, uh, sir. - Tavros tried to excuse Gamzee´s behavior, feeling a little bit guilty. Richard opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, staring at the little kid, to then burst out laughing noisily, goodheartedly, making Tavros blush uncomfortable. He wondered if he had said something funny or wrong.

-Well, aren´t you the cutest little thing? - He asked grinning, still laughing a bit. Tavros looked at his friend confused, and then to the ground.

-Am I? - He murmured, not meaning to say it out loud. He didn´t feel comfortable standing close to that man, and didn't feel at easy being close to that creepy looking house. He felt very sorry for Gamzee. His nephew stared at him with a mortal glare, menacingly, hate burning though his dark blue eyes. He didn´t like the way he looked at Tavros. He didn´t like it one bit.

-See you later Tav. - He said sharply, not even looking at his friend as his eyes were fixed on the older man. He tried to imply in his words that he wanted him to leave.

-I… uh, okay. - He picked up his intentions, feeling a little bit hurt and disappointed. –Do you want to, uh, maybe come for dinner later on? - He said much more silently. Gamzee´s eyes sparkled with excitement, nodding right away, forgetting his purpose of giving Tavros´ family some space. –Can he, sir? - He asked the man, thinking that was probably his father.

-Only if you promise to have dinner with us sometime. - He winked at him.

-…Okay. - He muttered, blushing. He did want to see the house form the inside and see Gamzee´s room.

-Tav, your dad is waiting for you. - He said almost through his teeth, startling Tavros. He nodded, beginning the walk home hesitantly.

-Bye. - He waved to both of them, leaving. Richard let Gamzee inside the house, closing the door.

-Cute friend you got there. - He said merrily, watching as Gamzee went straight to the fridge to get a bottle of grape soda. –Really, really cute. - He said again, getting closer to Gamzee. He slammed the fridge door, uncapped the bottle and drank half of it in one swing. He didn´t answer him. –Are you mad sweetie? Don´t worry, I only have eyes for you. - He said with a crooked smile, caressing the boy´s cheek with one finger. Gamzee snorted, looking to another way, slapping away his hand. Richard took the soda from his smaller hands, leaving it inside the sink, and grabbed his face forcefully by the chin, pulling him into a forced, needy wet kiss. He pushed his thumb through the corner of his mouth, opening it up against his will, and played with his small hot tongue. Gamzee pushed him away, panting, wiping off the hot drool from his mouth and chin, spitting the disgusting mix of saliva he had inside his mouth right on the kitchen floor. He glared at him with a revolted expression, backing away.

-You disgust me. - He said slowly, marking every word with all the hate he felt towards the man. Richard smiled, pleased with himself, suddenly jerking forward to grab a handful of his thick hair. –Let me go! - He yelled, feeling him pulling his hair strongly, being dragged to his own room by force. –Fuck you! You motherfucking son of a bitch! Let me go!- He yelled even harder, trying to kick him, scratching his arm, spitting at him. He didn´t want that anymore. He couldn´t take it. He wanted it to end, and for him to leave him alone once and for all. He was sick of the pain, the cold, the blood. The man threw him on the neat bed, blowing a painful, strong punch to the base of his stomach, leaving him breathless. He wiped some sweat from his forehead, watching as the smaller boy curled up into a ball, crying noiselessly, trying to gasp for air.

-When are you going to learn to shut the fuck up? - He said coldly, unbuckling his belt, opening up his pants. He got on his knees on the bed, stroking himself, waiting for Gamzee to breathe a little. –Maybe if you choke on this you´ll learn to shut up. - He laughed, grabbing the boy by one of his skinny arms to make him sit up. –Open your mouth. - Gamzee did as ordered, closing his eyes tightly, blocking away any thought at all, ignoring the smell, the taste, trying with all of his will to think of Tavros´ smile.


	10. Chapter 9: Curiosity

Chapter 9: Curiosity

He knocked on his door loudly, wanting him to hear it right away. He stood there a while, waiting, looking around to check out that part of the neighborhood quietly. He heard the door open a little, and he found the older man looking at him through the door frame, only half of his upper body being visible to him.

-Hello there. - He said with a husky voice, and Tavros was able to tell he was shirtless, and cheerful.

-Hello… um, is Gamzee… ready? - He asked quietly. He unconsciously backed a few steps away.

-I think not, sweetie. Do you want to come in? - He asked softly, smiling a big, toothy grin. –You can wait for him inside. - Tavros stared at him for a few seconds before shaking his head no. He had a strange feeling in his guts that that was a dangerous thing to do.

-Hm… no…- He answered quietly, still looking at the man. –Are you, Gamzee´s father, mister? - He asked curiously from a safe distance. Richard opened the door fully, letting him see his naked torso and hairy chest completely.

-No. Are you sure you don´t want to see his room? I´m pretty sure he´ll be ready in a few minutes. - He bit his bottom lip, watching as the younger boy blushed embarrassed, fidgeting with the buttons of his shirt.

-I´ll just wait here…- He assured, feeling uncomfortable. He heard footsteps approaching form behind the older man.

-Hey Tav, let´s go. - He said sharply, glaring at his uncle. The man backed away from the door, letting the boy pass, a strange smile on his face.

-Have fun. - He winked at both of them, closing the door behind a freshly showered Gamzee. Tavros stayed looking at the door, the ghost image of Richard still in his mind. The man scared him.

-Let´s go, Tav. - He said much more softly, tugging at his friend´s hand timidly, not daring to hold it in his just yet.

-Sorry…- He mumbled, putting a smile to his lips. –Your hair is still wet. - He giggled, touching the dripping threads of thick hair that fell over his forehead.

-I´m fine. - He chuckled, searching his pockets for his keys. He was planning on returning the next day, and had to make sure he could get inside the house if Richard decided to go out. He touched a metal object inside his pants and got it out to look at it, not thinking it was his keys. He pulled out an indigo colored race car, dropping the lighter he had in his pants of the same color by accident. –oh, shit.- He muttered under his breath, bending down to pick it up and stuff it back inside his pants, giving the little car a quick look before stuffing it next.

-Was that… a lighter? - Tavros giggled surprised. Gamzee looked at him wordless for a second before nodding. –Why would you need that for? - He asked innocently, not even giving any thought to the little race car in his pants that used to be his. Gamzee found his keys inside his jacket at last, and began walking towards his friend´s house.

-… Because. - He murmured, shrugging nervously. He really hadn´t expected that to happen, and didn´t want to explain his addiction to Tavros. It wasn´t something he felt proud of, he noticed now. He wondered how Tavros hadn´t been able to realize that before, giving that the smell of pot wasn´t all that subtle.

-…You smoke? - He asked incredulous, his voice sounding like a surprised gasp. Gamzee kept on walking, looking back at Tavros to motion him to follow. He nodded quietly, looking down to the concrete. –I… so that´s why you, uh, smelled like that sometimes. - He commented, following him closely, looking at his friend´s ashamed face. He had noticed the smell. He just had been too polite to ask what that was about before. –But, you´re underage… how can you, uh, buy cigarettes?- He asked even more interested, not tearing his eyes off from Gamzee´s face as the other tried hard not to look at him back. –A friend said once that, uh, you need an ID or, something like that…-

-I don´t buy them at the store… ´cause it ain´t that kind of cigarettes. - He tried to explain. Tavros took a while to process what he had said before giving it any meaning.

-You mean… it´s-

-Weed. - He said, looking at Tavros to catch his reaction. He hoped that wouldn´t damage how he viewed him. They got to his house, and Tavros opened the front door quickly, closing it after Gamzee stepped inside.

-Oh…- He muttered quietly after a few seconds, the only thing tugging at his mind being the curiosity of something so alien to him. He had never smoked or tasted alcohol, and definitely never had tried any kind of drugs besides the ones used with medical instructions. They both got to Tavros´ room, a strange silence between them. –Just… don´t tell my dad… or… do that, in front of him, I guess.- He said quietly at last, closing the door and standing in the middle of his room while he spoke to him. Gamzee´s face lit up a little, picking up in his tone of voice that he didn´t mind as much as he had expected. He had feared for a second that he would feel uncomfortable and would start avoiding him. He sat on the carpeted floor, Tavros doing the same immediately. -But… What, is it… uh… like? - He asked, not even imagining what it felt like to do such a thing. Sometimes he wondered how many things he wasn´t aware that even existed were a part of someone´s everyday life.

-It´s… nice. I mean, it makes you feel all chill, and shit. - He explained awkwardly, scratching his head, watching how Tavros looked at him amazed.

-… Like, you get high? - He said, knowing he didn´t really understand that concept to full extent either.

-Yeah… but, don´t do it Tav, this shit is all kinds of bad for your health.- He said worried, crunching his eyebrows, seriously preoccupied that Tavros would be too curious and would try it by himself. Tavros giggled, shaking his head.

-I actually, don´t think I would try it. - He admitted. Gamzee sighed relieved. The last thing he wanted was for his best friend to end up like the only other man that he had loved so much in his life. –But…- Gamzee looked up, smiling at how talkative his friend was acting. He really was amazed by the mysterious boy that was sitting in front of him. –What does it taste like? Does it smell different from other cigars? - He had more questions, but decided to wait for those to be answered.

-I actually… smoked some before showering… but, I´m pretty sure my clothes smell like it.- He motioned to his jacket, grabbing it to hold some of its cloth in front of him for Tavros to smell if he liked. He scooted closer, putting his nose to where Gamzee had indicated, closing his eyes as he tried to detect the smell. –Normal cigarettes don´t smell like this. You´ve smelled the shit people smoke on the streets? - Tavros sniffed a bit more before nodding, looking into his friends face.

-Yeah… it does smell different. - He said thoughtfully, only now attributing that distinct smell to the illegal plant. –…The taste? - He asked again. Gamzee looked to the roof for a second, not knowing how to explain it if the kid hadn´t tried even a tobacco cigarette before.

-It´s like, uh…- He shook his head, defeated. –I… smoked some… if you want you can just…- He stopped himself, blushing. Tavros was watching him expectantly, still waiting for him to continue, but he slowly noticed he wasn´t going to finish the sentence, and he understood what he meant. He looked into his eyes carefully, a shy smile beginning to pull at the corners of his lips. He leaned in close to him again, watching him intently, tilting his own head to join both lips more comfortably. Gamzee suppressed a quiet moan as he felt this friend´s lips against his, slowly moving to try to pick up some taste from them. He slowly opened his mouth, using the excuse that if there was any taste left from his smoking, he would have to taste his mouth from the inside to sense it. Tavros didn´t stop as he felt his lips parting, deciding to hold the back of his head instead to pull him closer, wild butterflies fluttering inside of him. The skinnier boy licked his friend´s bottom lip like he had done before, letting his wet muscle explore some more this time, daring to enter Tavros´ mouth and find his tongue as well.

-Ngh…- He moaned softly as he felt his friend´s tongue inside his mouth, lolling his own muscle around the other´s timidly, trying to feel him, taste him, pulling at his hair and pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. He felt the heat rise in his body and his skin get goose bumps, feeling as if he was losing sensitivity and control over his limbs as he just wanted to focus on their busy tongues and the taste of Gamzee´s mouth. Gamzee thought for a second that he was a great kisser despite being his first French kiss. Tavros held his friend´s face in his hands carefully, sucking on Gamzee´s tongue slowly, feeling how the black haired boy was starting to let his hands wander over his thighs timidly. –It… tastes funny. - He said quietly, touching foreheads with his best friend, biting his own bottom lip to suppress the urge to suck on his mouth even harder and discover new things he could do with him that would make him feel as if he was flying. He smiled faintly at the realization that he didn´t even feel grossed out for a second, something he thought would happen when he had thought of kissing Gamzee that way.

-Sorry…- He whispered, looking directly into his brown eyes from up close, wondering in awe how a human being could even have eyes that beautiful.

-No… I, uh… sort of like it.- He chuckled, kissing his lips again softly, barely digging his teeth on his friend´s lower lip to pull at it carefully, the bitter-sweet taste he had sensed in his friend seeming more and more desirable. Gamzee leaned away, standing up slowly. Tavros gave him a look of disappointment that he didn´t even care for hiding at all.

-Come here. - He whispered, grinning a huge smile from ear to ear. He helped his friend get off the floor, guiding him towards the bed, throwing himself on it to lay on his back. He started nibbling on his nails, looking at Tavros from behind a thick, naughty blush and an embarrassed smile. The other boy just laughed quietly, taking a seat beside him on the bed to then lay on his side, facing him. They looked at each other for a while, a nervous silence taking hold of the place, both boys being able to hear Tavros´ father downstairs frying some fries for dinner. Gamzee got closer to Tavros, entwining his legs with his, beginning to kiss him again slowly, sweetly, breathing heavily over his sensitive flesh to tickle him. Tavros wrapped his arms around him, keeping him close, desiring to taste that strange flavor again and devour his mouth. He had never done something so fun in his life that also made him feel incredibly happy, thinking that the kisses they were sharing were somehow even better than their first, and a thousand times better than anything else he could think of. They kissed on Tavros´ bed for endless minutes, not even coming close to getting tired of playing with each other tongues, starting to let their hands discover the other´s body in a shy manner over their clothes, until Tavros´ father went up the stairs to knock on the door and tell them that dinner was ready.


	11. Chapter 10: Worry

Chapter 10: Worry

He waited patiently outside his house, tapping his foot on the cold concrete. He had waited for him at his own house, but due to the excessive amount of time his friend was taking to get there, he went to fetch him at his house instead. He had knocked softly, hoping to not wake the adult that lived with Gamzee. The last thing he wanted was for that scary man to greet him again. He looked up as the door creaked open, watching as Gamzee stepped outside hurriedly.

-I´m so sorry bro, I couldn´t wake up. - He apologized, wishing he had a watch to check what time it was.

-It´s fine… I guess. – He shrugged, knowing they still had a couple of minutes to get to school on time. The long weekend had ended already, and it was time to get back to school, something Gamzee wasn´t very excited of. He still had to confront the teacher and his friend Karkat. Tavros helped him with his backpack, swinging it over his own free shoulder. –Let´s go. – Gamzee blushed embarrassed at Tavros´ action, hesitating for a second before beginning to walk.

-… I can carry it myself, Tav. – He said quietly, chuckling.

-You look very tired. – He explained, refusing to let his friend carry his own backpack. Gamzee frowned, regretting not being able to fall asleep that night. He knew he had dark circles around his eyes and that he looked paler than usual, but he hadn´t meant to worry his friend.

They sat together at school, arriving just in time for the class to start. Tavros tried to explain to him what the previous class had been about, making a mental note to fill in Gamzee´s lack of schooling until he caught up. Gamzee didn´t get much of what Tavros was talking about, feeling how his headache wasn´t helping much. He had to leave for a while to the director´s office, having to explain his lack of assistance to class. He didn´t have a good enough excuse for it, and the tall man told him they were going to have to call his parents. He took the chance to say that his mother had died, earning him an understanding look from part of the director, who decided to call in the boy´s father later that week, giving him a dissimulated look at his pitiful exhausted face. He let him get back to his classroom, where Tavros had been waiting anxiously, hoping his friend wasn´t in much trouble, and hoping he got back soon so that Karkat would stop showering him in questions and insults. The brown-haired boy had tried to approach Karkat in a friendly manner, knowing the kid was Gamzee´s friend as well, but the shorter kid had other plans in mind: He wanted to know what was wrong with his friend, and he was sure that Tavros knew the answer. But the other tried to explain to him that he didn´t know what he was talking about exactly. Even though the memory of Gamzee´s bruised body did shoot through his mind, as if trying to tell him something.

-Is he… moody? - He asked Karkat after a while of ignoring the other´s harsh chatter, receiving a death glare that showed indignation at the realization that he wasn´t paying attention to him.

-What the fuck do you mean?-

-Uh… you know… does he, maybe get into fights… often?- He asked thoughtfully, not really remembering any time his friend had acted violently in his presence, or had even gotten mad. Karkat seemed to think it through for a second.

-How the hell am I supposed to know? Lazy ass never comes to school. - He barked, trying to keep it quiet in the presence of the teacher. Tavros nodded. –Not that I know of. He never did at least. Not since I´ve met him.- He responded much more seriously, thinking there was a reason for Tavros´ question. -why?- Tavros shook his head, shrugging.

-I was just… wondering. – Karkat didn´t seem to believe him, but he didn´t have a chance to respond as he saw Gamzee enter the classroom and get closer to them, to then take a seat next to Tavros. They both dropped the subject.

Gamzee decided to have dinner at Tavros´ house instead of going to his own house that evening. Tavros´ father was already cooking in the kitchen when he heard both boys entering the house, and went straight to the door to greet them.

-Hey, how was school? – He asked politely, ruffling both kid´s hair with each hand.

-It was fine. – Tavros replied, inviting Gamzee to go sit down at the small kitchen table to watch his dad cook as he went back to the meal he was cooking. –We have a lot of, uh, tests coming up, though… - He said with a stressed look on his face. Rufioh laughed noisily, picking up the tomatoes he had been meaning to peel from the sink.

-You better get your asses studying, then. – He mocked, knowing that was the last thing that boys their age wanted to do after school. Tavros grunted, sitting down next to Gamzee at the small table, putting his elbows on the surface and holding his face with his hands.

-It´s fine dad, it´s just Science. – He said confident, smiling. His father snorted.

-How about you, Gamz? – The boy looked in his direction, not knowing if he should be honest.

-Uh… -

-I´m gonna help him after dinner. – Tavros assured, receiving Gamzee´s grateful smile in reward.

-Good. – He said a bit distracted. Gamzee stood up from the tall chair, excusing himself to go to the restroom quietly. Tavros watched him leave, sighing tiredly. He felt worried about Gamzee. His chat with Karkat had helped him realize he had been ignoring the fact that something was wrong with Gamzee. He remembered much too well the red scabbed wound that was on Gamzee´s chest a couple of days ago. His stomach churned at the memory, and he frowned deeply. Something hurt inside of him when he thought of Gamzee in pain. He wanted to be the one hurting instead of him. He had begun to think that someone had done that to him if he didn´t do it himself, and the mere thought of that scared him. He wanted Gamzee to tell him what was wrong, he wanted him to explain why he was always so tired, why he had seen bruises on his body, why he had a distant, empty face at times as if he wasn´t there. He felt angry when he remembered Gamzee didn´t want to tell him. He sighed again, this time feeling confusion taking over his thoughts. Why did he worry so much about him? He didn´t think it should bother him like that so often, and with such intensity. He usually found himself thinking about the black haired boy, and if he wasn't thinking of him it was because he was in his company already. He couldn´t think of anything else. Not even when he had been away from him for so long had he forgotten the sweet boy. Even though he had to confess to himself that he had been thinking of him even more now, after the other had taken his first kiss. He touched his lips thoughtfully, blushing, shaking his head. It wasn´t right. He knew it wasn´t right somewhere in his head, and he was just pushing that thought away each time it came to his mind. –You okay, little man? - He jumped when he heard his father so close to him, and thought he probably had been talking to him while he zoned off.

-Uh, yeah. – He said quickly, feeling how his cheeks had gotten even redder. He hoped his father wouldn´t notice.

-What were you thinking about? – He asked with a playful smile, pointing at the boy´s red face. He had caught him.

-N-Nothing. – He said nervously, wanting to hit himself for not being able to sound normal.

-You can tell me. – He said amused, putting his hands on the table to make it clear that he wasn´t going to move unless the boy confessed what he had in his mind. Tavros thought over what he had just said. He was his father, and he knew the man loved him to death. He couldn´t ask for a better father. But he had never talked about that kind of stuff with him, because both of them had been delaying "the talk" as much as possible, Tavros because he had already had it at school and wanted to avoid having it with his father, and Rufioh because it was an uncomfortable topic to touch.

-Dad, I… - He begun, wanting to at least ask him something.

-Yeah? –

-… Uh… How do you know… when you like someone? – He said quietly, looking down to the table. He regretted having made the question immediately, now fearing that Gamzee would come back too soon. Rufioh chuckled softly, remembering his first love when he was 11 and he lived in that dangerous neighborhood no one with class dared to place a foot on.

-Hmm… - He put his hands on his hips, looking directly at his embarrassed son who wouldn´t look at him back. –You in love with some chick, little tiger? - He asked loudly and cheery, but his son maintained his silence. –I guess you just know. - He continued, much more silently, placing his hands on the counter. –You get these crazy butterflies, and can´t stop thinking about her. - The boy looked up, blushing. –Just can´t stop thinking of how fucking perfect she just is. Maybe even get a little stupid when you´re around her. - His son was able to tell he was remembering someone special, by the way his nostalgic smile seemed to get even bigger. He suddenly turned his attention to his son once again. –You gonna tell me who she is? - Tavros´ eyes got wide, his whole face seeming to burn red.

-No one. - He muttered, standing up. –Thanks. - He started walking away quickly, not feeling excited of telling his dad who he had in mind.

-You little liar!- He laughed loudly, watching as Gamzee came inside the kitchen. He saw his son tell him that they should get upstairs. –Hey Gamzee, you know who he´s talking about? – He asked amused, noticing he had no idea what he was saying.

-What? – He asked with a confused smile, feeling Tavros pushing him softly to leave the kitchen.

-Dad! –

-The girl he has a crush on? Come on, he must tell you everything! – He continued, remembering that he was supposed to be cooking.

-Dad, stop it! – He practically shrieked, making Gamzee move at last, dragging him upstairs while his father laughed again, not giving Gamzee a chance to respond. He took their backpacks with him, deciding to focus on the test that he was planning on helping Gamzee get at least a B on. He threw them on the floor, getting out a couple of notebooks and pens.

-Alright… - He went straight to the desk in his room, taking a seat on one of the two chairs his father had put up there.

-You got a crush on someone? – He asked quietly, sitting down beside him. Tavros had feared he would ask that. He cleared his throat, checking his notebooks.

-No… - He lied. Placing a notebook in front of Gamzee to explain something to him related to the test. Gamzee gave him a look of "are you serious?" before shifting his attention to the paper, frowning a little bit. He didn´t feel too well.


	12. Chapter 11: Love

Chapter 11: Love

Rufioh Nitram was a good man. And a very smart one too, despite what some people thought of him. He was now standing in the kitchen, watching over the pots that trembled with heat as they boiled. He had his arms crossed over his wide chest and his hips leaning against a counter to maintain his balance. He was immersed in thought and barely even saw the pots on the stove before him.

His thoughts were back at his son Tavros, the sweet little boy that studied upstairs with his friend. The young boy that had been his reason for getting married, and since then, his reason for living. The young man that grew up a little more every day, that grew up to become a man, that grew up to become completely alien to both of his parents as he became independent. He was growing so damn fast. But then again, Rufioh himself had grown up quicker than his own son, having done things that weren't suited for his age and being frowned upon by grown-ups at some point.

He nibbled on his own bottom lip as he furrowed his brow, the noise of the pots filling the room beyond his attention, the silence from upstairs making him wonder. He went over the conversation he had had earlier with his son about the untouchable topic of love. He went over the scene he had seen a few days back when he had opened the door to his son´s room after hearing noises, seeing his own little boy pressing his lips against his friend´s. In that moment he had kept quiet, his eyes widening with surprise, his thoughts racing inside his head and tripping over each other. He had closed the door back without making any sound, to then realize he was inside the kitchen again without remembering having made his way downstairs. The vivid image of his son giving his first kiss to another boy clinging to his brain. A little voice inside his head making him wonder if it even was the first kiss he had given him. The little voice going even further, and making him wonder if the only thing they had been doing over all that time had been kissing, or something a little less innocent. Maybe he was just seeing the tip of the iceberg. Maybe he was just being neurotic.

He tried to think back to when he was a young teenager; to think back to when he had first had a crush on a girl, to when he had first touched himself and discovered masturbation, to when he had gone for it and lost his virginity to an equally young girl with bright blue eyes and short blonde hair that he still remembered to this day. He gave it a few seconds and realized it had all been around Tavros´ age. With his eyebrows arched deep, with his fists tightened unconsciously, he let out a quiet, sad laugh. Like every father he was going to go through the pain of seeing his son grow up much too quickly. And like every father he would have to endure it in the shadows, having to knit a web of speculations about what his son was actually thinking and doing from eavesdropping, violating his privacy, and using his own, well kept memories as a tool for comparison.

He realized a bit surprised that he wasn´t as bothered by the fact that his son was experimenting with another boy, as he was by the fact that his little boy wasn't going to be little for long. Wasn't going to be his forever either. The noise of the pots boiling wildly tore him from his thinking. He decided it was only fair he discussed the issue with his wife. Only fair that she shared some of the grief.

He acknowledged the pots on the stove and turned them off, taking the plates out of the cabinets and searching the knives and forks. He decided to tell them to come down for diner himself. His feet moved by themselves and he reached the top of the stairs, stopping in front of his son´s closed door and deciding to knock loudly on the wood before entering. He stopped a few seconds more, giving them time. He shook his head, thinking he was being stupid, thinking it was weird that he was expecting them to be kissing and needed time to go back to acting normal. He opened the door on one swing, and found two set of curious eyes staring at him from the desk next to the door. He focused his eyes and tried to find a sign of agitation that would give them in. But he only read boredom on Gamzee´s face, as well on Tavros.

-Yeah, dad?- His son asked a bit worried, seeing how his father took a bit too long to say anything.

-Dinner is ready.- He said with a huge smile, inviting them to come down, trying to tell himself to calm down and be rational about it.

-You could have just called us.- He laughed amused, looking at Gamzee and back to his father. He nodded and pursed his lips tightly.

-Yeah. Uh… Could you not close the door when you guys are here?- He let out quickly, placing his hands over his hips and shifting his weight to one leg. Tavros took a while to respond, confused.

-Why?- Rufioh breathed in, suppressing a chuckle at how weird and uncomfortable he was feeling.

-Because I say so. Don´t close the door.- He responded, rubbing his neck with his palm. His son widened his eyes at the response, not expecting to hear that. His father was not the kind of parent to justify his orders with that lame argument. He always tried to make him understand. He nodded anyways, letting out a confused "okay " as he started to close the notebooks before going to eat.

But Gamzee fixed his stare on Rufioh, his cheeks starting to turn red as he read on the older man that he definitely had a reason. The father locked his eyes with Gamzee, the air tensing as the boy understood everything without one word and looked away embarrassed. He felt highly intimidated by Rufioh´s deep stare.

* * *

A tall, thin man is seated at his desk, the dim light of the afternoon filtering through the closed curtains of his small office. The heat inside is eased by a cheap fan standing near the man, its eternal hiss filling the room and blending with the constant tap of his nails over the keyboard. It is strangely hot for the season. His long fingers hover over the keyboard of his old computer as he heard the sound of his phone ringing, and for a moment he thought of letting it ring as he had done it far too many times to avoid any type of conversation with other people. If it was work related, he knew the call would have been directed to his own personal cell phone. But the fact that the call was ringing next to his ear, on the desk, coming from a phone that was plugged to the wall and was shining a polished black, only meant that the call was from the general public, or a relative. He glanced at the phone, looking back at his computer to continue his work. But it kept ringing, the sound sounding different, the call seeming different despite being the same infernal ring that always rang until he unplugged the damn thing. He picked up the phone before noticing what he was doing and directed his deep, husky voice to the microphone.

-Hello?- He simply said, waiting for a reply on the other side of the line. He heard a woman speaking in the background, some teenagers arguing with their tails between their legs, and the rasping of the voice of an older man.

-Good evening, Mr. Makara. I am calling from your son´s school, I would like to have a word with you. I am sorry to bother you in your office.- The father lifted his hand to his face, letting his thumb and index press against the bridge of his nose in an attempt to relieve his headache. He had heard the man´s voice before, he noticed now. It was the erudite voice of the director of the public school Gamzee attended. He knew it from the many times he had received invitations to reunions he never seemed to have the time to attend.

-Yes… It´s alright. Did the boy do something?- He asked immediately, wondering why he had picked up. He heard the man clear his throat on the other line.

-No, your son hasn´t done anything wrong, I didn´t mean to worry you. My call has more to do with something he didn´t do. Mr. Makara, I am afraid that I have to warn you that if your son misses any more school days, he will have to be held back.- He paused as if to breathe and find strength to exhale more words. –I am deeply sorry for your loss, but your son´s absences were too many to overlook. I hope you can comprehend…-

-The kid hasn´t missed any school days, I don´t know what you are talking about.- He answered, knowing he couldn´t know for sure, but being almost positive that his brother wouldn´t let his son miss school like that.

-… Don´t feel bad, Mr. Makara, there are a lot of children who suffer in silence and might express their grief in different ways.- He imagined the man´s son decided to grieve his mother´s death away from his house. He wondered how the parent hadn´t noticed. –Well, I think we should discuss this in a meeting in my office, your son included. I can assign him a counselor as well, a child shouldn´t have to pass through the death of one of their parents… It´s such a tragedy.- Gamzee´s father breathed in annoyed, nodding along with the phone as if the man would be able to see his silent agreement.

-It is.-

-I´d like to see you tomorrow, at 9 AM. Is that okay?- He asked, taking a pen to write down the time and date of the meeting. He scribbled the man´s last name in a tiny handwriting over a yellow sheet of paper.

-Until then.- He said as his last words, hanging up the phone and leaving the director with his ear still glued to the phone, and then proceeded to unplug the phone from the wall, the constant tap of his nails over the keyboard coming back to blend with the hiss of the fan cooling the small office.

* * *

Gamzee walked to the front door, Tavros following him close by as he put on his jacket. He had seen Gamzee hadn´t brought one for himself, and handed him a baggy, brown hoodie to keep safe from the cold night, the fabric being thick with Tavros´ smell. Gamzee put it on quickly, inhaling the sweet scent and smiling deeply.

They stepped outside and began the walk to Gamzee´s house, walking slowly and looking into the bright stars. Tavros was carrying Gamzee´s backpack, swinging it on his hands distractedly, watching as Gamzee searched his pockets for the indigo lighter and a small paper cylinder. He watched him closely, and Gamzee glanced at him before stopping and lighting the thing.

-Does it bother you?- He asked to make sure, lighting the fire to put it close to his face as he lighted the cigarette.

-No.- The fire lit his face and gave it a bright, orange glow, accentuating his features and softening his skin with its dimness to look flawless. He observed him take a puff, to then watch as the smoke left his lips and lifted above his face. He giggled, thinking it gave Gamzee a really grown-up look. He smelled its strong scent and backed away, making sure to not get the smoke on his clothes to avoid his father asking about it. They stood there, between Tavros and Gamzee´s house being camouflaged by the darkness, waiting for the cigarette do die down as they looked at each other quietly. –I´ll come to pick you up tomorrow morning.- He murmured. Gamzee nodded as he inhaled a big puff of smoke, to then throw the remains on the concrete and put it off.

-We should go somewhere tomorrow.- He said cheerfully, putting his hands in his pockets. Tavros crunched his eyebrows, smiling a bit confused. –Instead of going to school, I mean.- The boy widened his eyes, grinning, shaking his head.

-… I don´t…-

-Come on, bro! It would be so fun.- He insisted, jumping a little in place from the sudden excitement he induced himself.

-But we have to go to school, Gamzee.- He replied, chuckling as he stared at his friend´s puppy face.

-No one´s gonna miss us if we disappear for a couple of hours.- He argued back, hoping his friend would give in. He did not want to go to school at all, being laziness and stress the main reason. Having missed so many days already were weighting on him. He would have to do the make-up tests. He would have to do twice as much homework to catch up. He would have to invest all his time in school work to be at the same level as his classmates. He was basically going to be forced to do something he was not very sure he wanted to do anyways. –Come on…-

-Gamzee, you can´t miss school, you still have to catch up…- He replied softly, feeling bad for having to be the one to keep it real. He wished he could just say yes and sneak away for a day with his best friend to God knows where.

-No, man… I´m gonna tickle you until you say yes.- He declared, getting closer to the young teenager in a desperate attempt to make him agree with the plan. Tavros began laughing even before the boy could get to him, putting his arms before him to keep him away from his abdomen, backing a few steps back from the black haired boy.

-No, Gamzee.- He reproached him, grabbing his wrists firmly to avoid the imminent tickle war as he giggled. –Maybe next week… we can go to the beach.- He suggested, slowly letting go of Gamzee´s wrists. Gamzee seemed to think it through for a moment, his lazy smile getting bigger as he contemplated the possibility of going to a place he had never seen before. He nodded defeated, lowering his hands to let them rest at Tavros´ sides. Tavros felt a small numbness over his cheek bones as he felt the other boy´s slender hands tickle his sides softly, those hands taking hold of his jacket to keep them in place, Tavros thinking it was a good chance to get something that had been bothering him out of the way. He looked up into Gamzee´s calm, blue eyes, thinking for a second that he looked a lot more relaxed than before he had smoked the mysterious and scented plant. -… Gamzee?- He began, lifting his hands to play with the fabric of Gamzee´s jacket, over his chest.

-Yeah, Tav?- He asked quietly, and the other boy leaned closer to his friend and rested his face against his chest, avoiding his stare completely. He didn´t want Gamzee to see his expression once he had asked the question.

-Uh… Well… Maybe this is a stupid question… But… Okay. Uhm… Are we… boyfriends?- He asked with a shaky voice, failing at imitating a cold, disinterested tone. He kept his eyes open wide, trying to read in Gamzee´s breathing an answer to his question as he let his face move along with his heaving chest, hiding away from his big blue eyes. He felt Gamzee move his hands to surround the small of his back.

-…Do you want us to be?- He responded with another question, unconsciously starting to press his body against Tavros´, knowing that if he had to answer his own question, the answer would be a yes. Tavros was his best friend, and he felt extremely happy just to be in his presence. Felt like his day lit up with just seeing him smile. And Tavros felt very much alike in his own head. Gamzee was to him the one and only true friend he had ever had, and nothing in his head would change that. But he had been housing confusion for too long already, knowing in his head the difference between a friend and a boyfriend, knowing in his head the difference between a friendly hug and a romantic kiss, knowing as well the differences between boys and girls. He suddenly remembered boys weren´t supposed to like other boys.

-…Yes.- He murmured, trying to separate his face from Gamzee´s chest to look at him in the eyes. He saw that Gamzee was smiling. He saw that smile come close to his face and felt it pressing against his own lips, feeling them cold, feeling them soft, and felt his own cheeks get hot.

-Me too.- He whispered as a response, his mouth still brushing against Tavros´, feeling how the shorter boy let his arms wrap around his skinny torso.

-So… you´re my boyfriend now.- He murmured to make sure, blushing red and feeling butterflies take flight inside his stomach, the words spoken out loud making him feel differently. Making him sense Gamzee differently. He felt another kiss press against his lips, and he smiled into it as he felt Gamzee´s giggles tickle his face. -…Don´t laugh.- He warned him, causing more quiet chuckles to escape Gamzee´s thin lips.

For some reason he felt the happiest he remembered ever feeling. And for some reason, the ecstatic feeling inside his body that trembled with warmth did not leave him even as Gamzee took off to the grey house a few meters away, and as he got back to his own house and got inside his own bed for sleep.

* * *

**Should I apologize for the lateness of this chapter**

**i must proofread hundred times more. more. more. more. more**


	13. Chapter 12: Broken

Chapter 12: Broken

He saw the pink sunrise through the wide windshield of his car, a few scattered yellow clouds drifting over the horizon slowly, making the already beautiful sky look like a painted canvas. The man let himself appreciate the view carelessly, driving slowly through the streets, the early, empty roads excusing him from paying attention to where he was going.

He wanted to get to his house and clean himself up, get a fresh dark suit over his skinny frame, and probably get something to eat. He used to do this late at night, and sometimes even stayed for sleep. But over the weeks after his wife´s death, he didn´t even care for going home even for that. He slept in a hotel near his office. He kept some clothes in that small hotel room. Ate in whatever fast food restaurant he found, the laughter of young kids playing around with their food and their siblings bringing some happiness to his old, withered heart. He liked to watch happy families. Liked to appreciate what he could not have; what he had long ago and lost.

The man could not even bring himself to go back to his own house regularly. Too many memories, too much silence, too much emptiness. It was a dead house to him. It was not a home. And the face of his only son alive was too much to endure. Too similar to his son Kurloz´s. Too similar to his wife´s. Too similar to his own. And he felt like he was a symbol of everything he had and lost and could never get back. He was a reminder of his failure as a parent. A reminder of his loneliness and suffering. A reminder of the burden he still had to carry and wished didn´t exist. He wished he had never had that second child. He wished he wasn´t so much like Kurloz and his wife.

He wished he were stronger and accepted it was all his own fault, and not his son´s. But he was not. It was easier to blame the kid for it all, it was easier to say that an extra baby ruined a family that simply had not enough money to feed four mouths. It was easier. And he felt like a heartless monster.

He sighed heavily, shaking off the horrible feeling above his shoulders, deciding once more to stop thinking about the matter and ignore it all. He was arriving at his house already.

He remembered the call of the director and considered momentarily actually attending the reunion. He turned his keys and stopped the engine. He wished he could start over and bond with the only son he had left. He got to the front door with heavy and slow steps. He wondered if the boy hated him too much like for that to be possible. He opened the locked door, and stepped inside, finding the light on. He felt a cold chill creep on his skin and a low cry get stuck inside his closed throat. He dropped his keys on the floor and they jingled annoyingly loud. A set of eyes were set on his.

-…W-what did you do?-

* * *

Gamzee had said goodbye to his young boyfriend, a smile still decorating his pale face from the cold. He had turned around and he walked away, the ghostly warmth of his hug still surrounding his body, the ghost tingle of his lips over his own still burning his skin, the word "boyfriend" playing over and over in his head as if it were a game to find out when the thought of the mere word would stop making butterflies take flight in his stomach and blood shoot up to his pale face. He felt happy.

He stopped dry in front of his house, his fingertips touching the doorknob. He felt his smile disappear slowly. It was amazing how Tavros was able to make him forget all the bad thoughts polluting his head. How he had the power to make him forget how bad he hurt when he wasn´t around.

He lifted his dark, blue eyes to see the house before him, taking in all the details of the place that held him inside as he grew up. He suddenly felt the overwhelming urgency of running away to never see it´s revolting, cracked, grey paint again in his life. To forget all the memories the place brought up inside of him. He lifted his eyes even more, to the sky, and looked into the few stars that were visible through the street-lights above him; the infinite, black sky piercing him to the bone. He wondered quietly if God really existed. Wondered if he was out there. Wondered if he could see him. Hear him. Wondered if his brother was with him. Wondered if it helped to pray anymore.

He felt the cold knob under his fingertips and decided to turn it and get inside, making a slight noise as he closed the door behind him and felt the slap of warmth hit his face. It felt nice inside. He sniffed a faintly familiar scent in the trapped, warm air, and turned his face to see where it came from. The heavy man was sited at the table, elbows on the surface, head in his palms, half-empty bottles of beer stacked nicely next to each other. Gamzee stood in place and didn´t move an inch, waiting to see if the man was asleep. He saw his body heaving with his slow breathing, and after a few seconds he decided he was asleep and that he should get to his room, and started a slow and cautious walk past the kitchen.

He hadn´t seen Richard getting drunk before. He hoped he was like his father, who would drink a few glasses of alcohol to then sleep until the next day like a dead man.

He opened the door to the bathroom and got inside quietly, locking the door to then relieve himself. He washed his face and brushed his teeth afterwards, to then open the door again with the intention of getting to his room for some sleep, feeling exhausted. But from the door he was able to see as Richard got up from his spot slowly and clumsily.

Gamzee quickly shut the door again, putting the lock on, his heart starting to pound violently in his ears from fear. Something told him he should have stayed outside. He heard footsteps approaching and he kept his distance from the door, looking at the old wood with all his attention. He heard a heavy hand slap the door as if to open it and he jumped in place, now being able to sense Richard noticing he wasn´t alone anymore.

-Open… the door Gamzee.- He told the kid with a slurry voice, knowing it was him who was inside, slapping the door again and again annoyingly. Gamzee wasn´t sure if he should answer. –Gamzee.- He repeated, tapping the door with his nails, Gamzee´s palms pressed against the door as if he were trying to keep it from opening. –Gamz.- His voice lowered. Gamzee´s pulse quickened. His eyes widened. –Gamz.- He didn´t notice he was panting silently. He heard Richard huff.

He suddenly felt a strong blow hit the door that made the wood quiver in place and made his eyes drip terrified tears instantly. –GAMZEE!- He felt the wood tremble under his palms after another hit, and after another, and another, and soon he was pressing his tiny weight against the door, knowing that if the man didn´t stop he would kick it down and get to him, hearing him scream his name and feeling his own screams burn and tickle his throat beyond what his own ears could hear, and felt salty water wet his face and leave it cold and stiff. He felt him kick the door violently, and heard a loud crack of wood bounce off the walls of the small bathroom. He let a pained whine escape his scared, pale lips.

But then there was silence as he heard his own raspy breathing and Richard´s heavy pants right outside the door. He checked to see if he had done much damage to the door, but it was still closed and unbroken. He inhaled a sigh, feeling slightly relieved. The lights suddenly went off. The light switch was outside. He looked around with his eyes open wide, trying to adjust to the new darkness, hearing how Richard started to walk away slowly, dragging his feet.

Gamzee slid down, finding the cold, tile floor and sitting against the door. He pressed his ear against the wood to hear where Richard was at, and thought that maybe he had gone back to the kitchen table. He heard an empty bottle roll on the table to find the floor with a loud shatter that made him jump. He listened intently for a couple more minutes, hearing nothing more than silence, and then, a low sob.

Gamzee curled his body to hug his knees, feeling cold. The floor was cold. The small window was broken, and let the chilly wind creep inside with no trouble. He put on the hood of Tavros´ jacket over his head, and tried to snuggle into it even more. He cried silently, just letting his tears roll down his face effortlessly, hearing Richard´s own cries. He did not feel sorry for him. He could die for all he cared. Gamzee tried to prepare himself mentally to be there in the frigid bathroom until it was safe to come out. He was not planning on going to his room after that, or stay inside the house for that matter.

The young boy fixed his stare on the broken window, seeing the orange glow from the street lights glisten on the pieces of glass still stuck to the frame. He felt empty. The happiness he had felt only a half hour ago was deep into the past inside his head. He was empty. He was alone. And so cold.

He stared into the window until his tears ceased falling from his swollen eyes and the sky started to turn a lighter tone of blue. He stared until the afraid arch of his eyebrows turned into a deep frown. He could still hear the man weeping from time to time.

-Piece of shit.- The boy murmured coldly, sneering to the window. He hoped the man was suffering real good. He smiled at that thought. The man deserved all the pain he could get. He deserved fear. He deserved death.

Gamzee stopped his train of thought, lowering his stare to the floor. He thought of his brother. He thought of what Richard had done to him, and realized his brother must have suffered for a long time in silence. And Richard had gotten his way, never was punished for what he had done. He thought of Kurloz and his ever present smile, thought of Kurloz and his silent, secret tears inside the same bathroom he was at right now, of Kurloz and the girl he had left behind in tears once he was gone from the world. He thought of Tavros.

He shook his head, starting to cry again, his eyes aching. He imagined how nice it would be to have a family like Tavros´. Imagined being a part of his family. He smiled faintly through his new tears. He couldn´t have that. He was trapped. Trapped inside a box that could not be called a home, trapped with a father that never was there in the first place, trapped with a monster who preyed on kids to feel powerful. A monster that fed on his broken soul.

Gamzee looked at his own slender, pale hands, to then press them against the floor to stand up. He was tired. Very tired. Tired of sitting there and crying and thinking too much. His eyes had adjusted already to the darkness as he got closer to the mirror. He saw himself in it, and pulled the hood back to reveal his face. He wasn´t able to tell if the face he saw in the poorly lit mirror was his, or his mother´s. Emily. His mother who had decided to end her life in an attempt to escape her own hell. A woman who had lost a son and ended her own life, feeling guilty for it all. Now it was his turn to decide, there in front of the mirror. He felt guilty for all the misfortune that ever happened inside the house he was living in. He needed to escape that hell.

He went to the door and unlocked it, turning the knob quietly. He peered outside, his puffy eyes barely being able to focus at all between the blur. He saw Richard sitting at the table and giving him his back, just like he was when he had entered the bathroom. He was bobbing his head intermittently, as if he couldn´t keep it upright from his dizziness. Gamzee stepped outside. He walked slowly and quietly towards the kitchen, feeling his heart speeding up and his ears ringing, feeling his hands turn cold and start to shake. He was close enough to Richard now to smell the alcohol and hear his unsteady and thick breathing. He walked past him, keeping his eyes on floor, trying to not call his attention. He felt a hand tug at his shirt.

-Gamzee…- He heard him plead, and he jerked forward, freeing himself from the weak grip, turning around to face him but stepping back to continue with his bee-line to the cabinets.

-Don´t touch me…- He warned him with a shaky voice, watching as the man got up from the table once more.

-Come here… please…- His eyes were glossy and sad as he stepped towards the boy. Gamzee shook his head over and over again, keeping his eyes on Richard, using his hands to touch the way he was going. He touched his back to the sink. He used his hand to open the drawer next to the sink, knowing the exact position of it from memory. –Come here… you pathetic little fuck.- He almost tripped over his own numb limbs. Gamzee touched a cold and slick surface. He grabbed it by the handle firmly.

-Step back.- He told him, feeling his stomach tightening and knotting over itself. But Richard stepped closer, lifting his hand forward to grab the kid.

-Shh…- He touched Gamzee´s body with his fingertips. Gamzee got the long knife out of the drawer to cut his large hand and get it away from his chest. –Argh!- Richard stepped back and held his hand against his own chest, hissing through his teeth from pain from the long, superficial cut as it bled, and now, from anger. –You… are going to regret that…- He warned him, trying to breathe normally, trying to focus his blurred vision on the skinny boy in front of him. Gamzee felt the heavy knife dance in his grip from his shaking hands.

The larger man stepped forward quickly, surprising Gamzee as he gripped his left arm firmly, pulling him towards his body with a terrorizing strength. The boy resisted, trying to pull his arm back, trying to use the strength in his legs to keep in place, feeling the warm breathing that stank of alcohol too close to his face.

He suddenly noticed his right fist was pressed against Richard´s chest, his fingers still wrapped around the knife. He lifted his face, and saw Richard howl in pain. He felt Richard stumble back, the knife still stuck in is body, and felt him squeeze his arm, refusing to let go. He felt him jerk it in an unnatural position. Heard a crack, and saw a white, hot light behind his lids as he screamed in pain. He used all his strength to take the knife out of the man´s body, and stabbed him back violently, grunting loudly from the throbbing pain in his free arm, feeling him pull at the broken bone and feeling rage inside his chest rising from the pain as he took the knife out again to force it back in his torso, doing it again, and again, and again, watching as Richard let go of him and fell back on the floor, losing his balance, rolling over and covering his guts, only to let Gamzee stab at his back as he screamed like a lunatic and got his hand and the knife soaked in dark blood, his left arm hanging limp close to his body, until his face was dripping tears and the same red liquid that did not belong to his own young body.

He stopped only a few seconds after, feeling the man´s blood on his lips. He stepped back from the body at his feet, watching him cough and spit blood, watching him curl in the floor soaked and red, letting the knife fall from his fingers to meet the floor. He began to get away from the man, his eyes wide and fixed on the agonizing man, his shaking knees failing him and making him fall over his own weight. Richard was trying to say something. Gamzee tasted the metal and acid on his tongue. He felt his tongue press back against his throat involuntarily, his stomach creep up his ribcage, and he turned on his side to puke violently. He puked until his mouth went bitter, and then he sat up using his good arm, panting and crying and feeling his stomach sore and numb from the pressure. He sat facing the door, giving his back to Richard. He was still moaning in pain, saying incoherent and spitted out words, trying to cover his wounds in his confusion. Gamzee was listening, but he couldn´t move anymore. He was shaking and felt colder than before. His eyes still open wide and burning from the rising sun that started to filter softly through the window.

His eyes were set on the door. But he only saw his father inside the house once he felt him slap his face and scream next to his ear.

* * *

**Is this a good chance to apologize for this? I mean all of this. Even for the bad spacing between paragraphs. if you have read this on dA, then you know it´s this site that eats up the spaces between paragraphs. it´s crazy. And I really dislike it. I´m planning on uploading next one soon**

**-Edited it to make it a little bit more coherent for you, now it should be more clear (the events)**


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